


So It Goes

by jenajasper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little bit of kink, Barebacking, Big Brother Dean, Blow Jobs, Brotherly Affection, Condoms, Consensual Underage Sex, Control, Dean in Panties, Dean joins Rhonda in the tub, Dean teases Sam, Dean wants to wash Sam's hair, Dean's a tease, Dean's fragile self esteem, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Exhibitionism, Fantasizing, First Time, Hand Jobs, Impala Feels, Japanese Rope Bondage, Kissing, Light Bondage, Loneliness, Love Letters, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Original Character(s), Overprotective Dean, Pink Panties, Power Play, Regret, Rimming, Roleplay, Rope Bondage, Rough Oral Sex, Safer Sex, Sam Needs A Hug, Sam Winchester Loves Dean Winchester, Semi-Public Sex, Separation Anxiety, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Teen Angst, Teen Dean Winchester, Teen Sam Winchester, bondage play, flirting in the car, hand job in the shower, implied irresponsible sexual behavior, implied promiscuity, love and affection, mention Rhonda Hurley, mucho feels, necktie kink, not very rough sex, ogling drooling and all the other things that usually happen when staring at Dean, ribbon trapeze, schmaltz, shampoo foreplay, slightly jealous and possessive Sam, teen pregnancy pact, witch love spell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:31:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 39,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenajasper/pseuds/jenajasper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean would always remember the first time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. sex and love

**Author's Note:**

> Each part is written in three chapters. And I just had a brilliant idea that I should name them. 
> 
> PART ONE: Sex and Love

The air was electric. And both Sam and Dean, were pretty sure the EMF meter would short circuit. It wasn’t the result of any one thing but, a culmination. Something like a house of cards, adding and adding, one by one, until the anxiety is so great, you fear the next will be too much. 

And the Winchesters had been building this house of cards for days. 

It started with a touch, or a sigh, a look, a comment, misinterpreted or not.  
Everyone knows the possible effects of close quarters, living in each others pockets, being isolated. As well as Dean’s overdeveloped sense of responsibility for the care and protection of his younger brother and Sam’s overdeveloped sense of gratitude and admiration for his big brother. And now these things are on the edge of becoming something else. 

There must be a book somewhere that can explain all that away, scientifically. But Sam and Dean were figuring out their own answer to all this and it wasn’t scientific at all. 

There was an awkward silence in the room. They were never awkward, even in the worst of times. Each always knew how the other felt even it was unspoken or camouflaged. 

And knowing that his brother would never initiate anything like this (it was wrong, he was the protector), Sam took the leap. “Dean”, he said and looked up from his laptop. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he had sex. 

She was an older girl at his school; the girls his own age weren’t so willing. It was in her parents’ basement. They both worked and she was home alone for a couple of hours most afternoons. But, it was the kind of neighborhood where folks looked out so, the old lady next door, saw the comings and goings. Except for the side door on the attached garage. 

Dean waited until he saw that door open and she looked out, waving a hand, beckoning him. That’s the word he uses now, but does a sixteen year old beckon?

She wasn’t all that experienced, even though this wasn’t her first time. And Dean wasn’t all that experienced himself. Sure, he had plenty of private practice and studied lots of visual aids but, this was the real thing. 

He had a grasp on the basic mechanics but, the girl….this was new. Of course, there had been other girls. He knew what they felt like, how nice they smelled and he had even had a taste once, during a very successful trip to third base. So yea, he was ready for the real thing. 

He stepped through the door and put his arm around her waist. He didn’t kiss her; that’s not what this was about, at least not for him. He wasn’t in love with the girl; he just wanted to have sex. Kissing was nice and he did enjoy it but, let’s not cloud the issue, he thought. 

She was a little nervous, no matter how confident she appeared when he asked and she had said yes. Her friends were so excited; they wanted details. Hell, they wanted video. Dean Winchester was the cutest boy in school and so bad. 

They were done in less than an hour. The act itself only took a few minutes and Dean wasn’t surprised at all. He really had no control. It was like the whole thing had a mind of its own but, he would learn, as he got older, that would change. 

It felt good, actually, it felt great. There was a warm, soft body beneath him. He could run his hands along smooth skin. rounded and firm. He could suck and lick and even take little bites without restraint. Tasting and smelling a sweetness that got his heart pumping faster and sending his blood flooding through his body. And it all appeared to be going to the same destination. 

It gave his body its own instruction and he was just along for the ride. He bucked like a wild pony, pushing and grinding. onto and into. He was encouraged by the sound of his name mixed with squeals and gasps and “oh, oh,oh”.

And ,all too soon, he felt that familiar tightening in his groin as the sweat glistened on their skin. And he gripped the arm of the sofa, with his two hands, to steady himself. His strength and coordination were being pushed out of him and into the condom that he would always have sense enough to wear. 

And he lowered his head and he closed his eyes and whatever was left came out of him in a sound he had never heard before. And with one final thrust, they trembled together and fell in a heap of sweaty bodies and ragged breathing.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had been lying down. He had his arms folded across his chest and his ankles crossed, totally relaxed. That was on the outside. Inside, he was wound so tight, that when Sam spoke his name, he shot up so fast, that he swore he heard the paint crack as the headboard smacked into the wall behind him. 

Sam wanted to laugh at the expression on his brother’s face. But he just smiled. After all, his insides were just as twisted. He felt a fluttering in his gut, nervousness, maybe. His lips felt dry but, his mouth was watering.  
He was breathing with his mouth open and his breaths were becoming short and shallow. He realized that, for a long moment, neither of them had blinked. 

Dean watched as Sam stood up from the table. He wiped his hand across his mouth then licked his lips. He also felt his breathing quicken and a heat began to build from his core. He felt the beads of sweat form on his upper lip and the back of his neck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he got fucked. 

He had just finished a job. He was full of adrenaline, pumped up, and he needed to take the edge off. He would start with a drink. 

There was something in the way the guy looked at him. Something that made him look back. The way the guy’s eyes skimmed over Dean, just a little too slowly. Dean felt a fluttering in his belly and it forced a short quick breath from his mouth, causing him to lick his lips. And he watched the man do the same. 

Dean turned back to his drink. He was a bit unnerved and a little uncomfortable. He wasn’t averse to men, not at all. In fact, he did have a little experience. Curiosity, he called it. He found that he enjoyed the feeling of strength and maybe even a little force. 

Sometimes, he prefered kissing men. There was a power, even a level of brutality in the battle. And Dean enjoyed being powerful, like that, without holding back. 

He enjoyed the feeling of big strong hands on him while he was sucked and licked and made to shoot down a man’s throat. Or the feeling, in his own mouth, as he savored the juices and felt the weight on his tongue or in his hand. And there was no emotional attachment, it felt good and then it was done. 

Deep in thought, Dean hadn’t noticed the man next to him. His instinct was to move away but, there was something different happening. Dean could sense he wasn’t in charge here. 

“Come with me.”

It was a whisper, deep and gritty. Dean’s breathing hitched and he turned his head to look into the man’s face. The man was bigger than Dean and older. His eyes were dark but, soft and inviting. Dean wasn’t exactly sure what he saw there but, he was sure he wanted it. He watched the man turn away and walk through a side door; he never looked back. And Dean followed. 

The room was small and dark and empty. The door closed behind him and Dean was suddenly pressed against it, the warm, heavy, muscular body holding him in place. He felt the pressure building as he grabbed the fabric of the man’s shirt and felt the pinch as teeth bit into his bottom lip, then moved along his jaw to his neck, right below his ear. 

The man began to unbuckle their belts and open their pants, having batted Dean’s hands away, wanting them just holding on. Dean was having difficulty controlling his breathing. He was not in control at all. 

He felt a large, strong hand begin to stroke him. And each time he moved his own hands, there was a whisper, in his ear, in that same deep gritty voice, “No”. 

Suddenly, but smoothly, their positions were reversed and Dean was being encouraged to his knees. Dean placed a hand on the man’s hip, wrapping his fingers around his waistband. The older man lifted Dean’s head and ran his thumb across Dean’s lips. The movement was slow and he pressed slightly, just to feel the give and the substance. “Dear God”, he moaned. 

The man then fully opened his pants and exposed himself, already leaking. Dean reached up with his free hand and felt a tightness around his wrist and realized what he was expected to do. Dean licked his lips and opened his mouth. 

He licked and he sucked at the tip as a hand came to rest at the back of his head. It guided him. it maneuvered him at a pace that was probably good for the dick but, not necessarily for Dean. He coughed and gagged, at first, then he adjusted his jaw and his neck. 

The hold on his head changed to a tight fist in his hair, manipulating him in a forceful and almost brutal rhythm. Sooner than he expected, he felt a pause in the onslaught against his lips and mouth. 

He felt his head pulled back and held still as the man’s hips thrust , once , twice into him (just short of a punch in the jaw, he would later think), forcing his teeth to cut into his lips and Dean was powerless. His one hand holding the man’s hip, attempting to hold it back and the other still being held at the wrist. 

Finally, he heard a moan. It bounced around the room, echoing in Dean’s ears and he tasted the warm saltiness, swallowing what he could, unable to stop the overflow from sliding down his chin. 

There was a heaviness on his tongue as the man softened and slowly withdrew by pulling Dean’s head back by the hair. His head was tilted and he looked into the man’s soft dark eyes.

The stranger leaned over until their lips met, again, placing his hand under Dean’s chin. As he pulled away, he slid his tongue along the bruised and tender skin. He released Dean’s chin but, not before, he used that hand to wipe Dean’s face clean. Then he brought that hand up to his own mouth and Dean watched him taste himself.

The man pulled himself together, even as he turned to walk out of the room. 

Dean stayed in that room for several minutes. He carefully wiped his mouth on his shirtsleeve then tenderly licked his swollen lips, tasting the stranger and a little hint of blood. 

It hurt to swallow and even to move his head but, he realized something else. It had been forceful and out of his control and he didn’t hate it. He also found that he was still hard. He could take care of that but, he wanted to feel this way again.   
.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. The brothers were facing each other, each in his own corner of the room. The space was filled with silence, It hung heavily in the air, so much so, that Sam and Dean each felt the weight of it on his shoulders.

There was nothing left for them to say. They had talked and talked and argued and reasoned and talked some more. They just couldn’t find their way to the end of the conversation. There was no question about how they felt. There was no question about how wrong it was. The only question was yes or no. 

Sam was yes and Dean was no, maybe. The issue wasn’t love or even sex. The issue was guilt and responsibility.

Sam and Dean loved each other even before they were Sam and Dean. They had a physical relationship all their lives. The touching, the holding, the gentle way they tended each other’s wounds and held each other close.

But, Dean was the big brother. He was responsible for their safety and security. He raised his little brother and taught him right from wrong, always leading by example and being the role model, as much as he could.

Personal relationships had always been difficult for them. Dean satisfied his physical needs, his emotions, always at the back of the line. Sam could give, emotionally, but, he could never really get what he needed in return.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he really made love.

Dean closed his eyes as he felt Sam’s large hands gently wrap around his cheeks and cradle his jaw. He felt himself relax into the touch as his mouth went slack causing his lips to part. He opened his eyes and looked at Sam. He reached out and wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist pulling him close. 

As their lips met, in this first kiss, there was nothing else. The world could come to an end; all oxygen could leave the atmosphere and all the water could to turn to dust. These things were no longer necessary to them.

As they lay in bed, spent and satisfied, Dean unconsciously ran his fingers through his brother’s hair. He pressed his lips to Sam’s forehead and lingered. 

Sam’s hand was splayed on his brother’s chest and he stroked it back and forth, periodically pausing to tease at Dean’s nipple eliciting a chuckle and just a tiny bit of a shudder. 

They didn’t speak, not then. Their minds had not yet caught up with reality. They could still feel rough calloused hands along smooth firm skin. They could still smell whiskey and mint tinted breath. They could still taste the warm, slightly bitter yet salty aftermath that was sucked and squeezed from them as they loved each other.

They shifted their positions, Sam was so pliant and relaxed, that Dean practically turned him around with just one arm. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother and pressed his cheek on the solid back muscles. His breath was warm and moist and the sensation on the skin, as it cooled, caused gooseflesh, which Dean flicked at with his tongue.

Sam released his breath in a huff, from the hot and cold that his brother was creating on his back. He let his head fall back and Dean moved his right hand to stroke the exposed throat, then sliding it down the long expanse of chest and belly, finally settling his hand at the hip.

Sam pushed his body back into his brother to feel his warmth as Dean pressed into him tightening his hold and sucking at his shoulder. Sam took his brother’s hand and wrapped their two hands around his dick, in answer to the invitation Dean was offering from behind. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes, Dean would remember the first time he had sex; he was fifteen.  
And, Dean would remember the first time he got fucked; he was twenty two.  
And, Dean would remember the first time he really made love; it was happening now.


	4. Give and take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART TWO: Give and Take

Sam knew how it was for him. And he was pretty sure he knew how it was for his brother. 

Dean was happy. He didn’t seem to drink as much; he slept really well, most of the time. And he was humming, a lot. It was the kind you didn’t realize you were doing. It was cute. 

And Sam had never been so happy. Sure, the work was still the same. It was tough, sometimes and ugly and dirty. But then they would go home and it was a different world. A secret, private place where the only thing that was important was making each other feel good. 

Sam and Dean had their discussions about men long before anything happened between them. It was that drunken confession thing that guys do. Sam’s experience was mostly hand and mouth but, there was this one guy that let him…..a couple of times. Dean would always have more stories to tell and plenty of experience. 

Dean did this thing, with his tongue and his fingers, that got Sam so ready and so open, he would have let his brother use a hot poker on him and been convinced that it felt good. 

That first time, and Dean knew it was his first time, he was gentle and considerate. He kissed, kissed , kissed him and stroked him and talked to him. It was the talking that really distracted him but, he would never tell Dean. That would make him self-conscious. He would prefer to think that Sam wasn’t paying attention to those words.

That first time, Dean reined in all that power and all that strength and he was tender and cautious. And Sam told himself that any tears Dean let fall were from the restraint just like his own tears were from the discomfort, sure. 

And right now, everything was new. It was something beautiful, an escape from what they saw every day. Something worth fighting for. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he said no.

He had picked this seat purposely so he could be alone. It wasn’t as dark a spot as he preferred but, even the most remote table could be taken as an invitation. He was at the narrow end of the bar, not enough room for two people to sit close and maintain any decency. That should have been discouraging enough.

He sipped the first taste from his shot glass and felt the smooth heat surround his tongue and slide down his throat. He whistled in cool air to enhance the flavor and lessen the burn. He brought the glass back up to his lips, threw his head back and poured the rest of the drink straight down and ordered another. 

Maybe it was slim pickings or the fact that it was nearing closing time. Whatever her motivation, she had found him. She came over and sat at the corner of the bar, facing him.

Dean wasn’t interested and he took a few seconds before he looked her way. It was a quick flick of the eyes, just to acknowledge, so she knew he was aware. And there was just enough chill, no smile, not even a nod of the head. A glance, then back to his glass. Let her understand his priorities. 

In that instant, she slides the drink stirrer in and out of her mouth. He wonders how long she held it there anticipating his look. She says, “You must be the handsomest man I’ve ever seen.”

Without looking up. he responds. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” That should do it, he thinks and inside he feels pretty clever. 

She laughs. “No, really.” She says.

Dean decides, at this point, he may as well be blunt. He turned to face her.  
“Sweetheart, believe me, there was a time you could come at me with half that and I would have slammed you up against the nearest wall. But, these days, my dance card’s full, ok? I’m waiting for someone”

She smiled like she didn’t believe him. Then she reached over to skim her fingers along his shirtsleeve. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”

“You want to talk beautiful eyes?”

A blush rose up on her cheeks as she made the mistake as anyone would. Then she all but batted her lashes as she prepared to accept a compliment not meant for her. 

“Have you ever seen one of those marbles with all the different colors inside? They change when you spin ‘em around or turn them in the light. An aggie, they call it. No, better, a cat’s eye, that’s it a cat’s eye, with that little upturn at the corner. Well. the eyes are like that. They call it exotic. I just think it’s sexy as hell.”

Almost as a punctuation, Dean’s tongue peeked out from between his lips. It didn’t go unnoticed. She watched as it slid out and was drawn back in, leaving a slight sheen. She continued to watch his mouth as he spoke. She felt its change of effect on her even as she saw it change shape with the spoken words.

She forced her vision back up toward his eyes. It seemed to her that his focus was elsewhere. He was no longer facing her. He was looking straight ahead, across the room, but, he was watching his own private movie. 

“And they’re alive and bright like the light comes from them. Those eyes, they draw me right in. Right in to the colors, the browns, the blues, a little bit of green but, mostly it’s amber.” He turned to her and it surprised her. She felt sure he had forgotten all about her. “Is that a color?" He asked, "Amber? “ 

She watched as his focus drifted away again. “Yeah, amber. Like honey with milk stirred in it and shiny and liquid no, fluid, that’s the word. And I look and it’s like falling in with no bottom. But, it’s not like a free fall ; it’s comfortable and secure like being lifted or carried, kinda.”

Dean paused, a small laugh escaping him, like he was remembering a private joke. Then he he took a sip of his drink and speaking almost into the glass, he said. “They got such a power over me.”

A slight movement to his right reminded him that someone else was still there. Someone who was listening. He couldn’t believe what he was saying to this woman, this stranger. But Dean would only ever open up like this to a stranger. But it was still uncomfortable. He felt exposed. Dean changed lanes and returned to his soliloquy

“Yeah, and don’t get me started on the puppy eyes. They get twice the size and all droopy and it feels like they reach into my heart and damn, I would do just about anything.”  
He took another sip. 

“And you know how you’re supposed to see a person’s soul in their eyes. No, it’s my soul that I see in those eyes. And there’s no fear or judgement there’s only trust and honesty and…. I belong there..”

Dean exhaled an audible breath and it brought his focus back to the room. As he turned to face his neighbor, he said, “That’s who I’m waiting for. So..”

He didn’t finish his sentence. He no longer had an audience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memory in this chapter is a bit of a re-write from another piece (Closing Time) but it was exactly what I wanted to say and I couldn't do better, ever.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean had always hated waiting. He always wanted to be doing something. Waiting in hiding, with a gun or a knife in hand, on the verge of a fight, that wasn’t waiting. That was anticipation; that was excitement. 

But just waiting around, his mind would wander. And once he was done reviewing whatever job was current, his thoughts started knocking on that door. The one marked private. But lately, he found opening that door was easier. That was where he kept the part of his life that wasn’t the job. That’s where he kept Sam. 

Dean had always been a physical person. Some might call him a hedonist. He rarely denied himself whatever pleasure he wanted, whether it was food, sex, alcohol or anything else. It was just his personality. It was just the way he lived. 

And sex had always been a physical thing to Dean but, things were different now. Now it was an emotional need. He needed to touch Sam, to hold him, to kiss him. And he needed in return; that was new for him.  
He had never let a man take him. That wasn't the feeling he was after, until now. He knew how it felt to give his all and how Sam reacted. He wanted Sam to give him everything.

Sure, he loved being strong and even overpowering, sometimes, but, that was the body. Now the body was listening to the heart. He was with Sam, exclusively, and he was satisfied and happy 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the other first time he said no. 

 

There was a man standing across the street who watched the big black Chevy pull up to the curb. It caught his eye; you didn’t see too many like that outside of a car show. He was curious to see who was inside. Both doors opened. 

The passenger exited first, unfolded was more accurate, he thought. The man watched him run his hand through his long hair and smile, complete with dimples. He couldn’t wait to see who was responsible for encouraging a smile like that. The driver stepped out. He noted the broad shoulders and then he turned and the sunlight hit his face. Now, the man was smiling, too. 

The driver and the passenger met at the curb and the taller one leaned in a little, seemingly, to say something. And, even from where he stood, the man swore he could see the driver blush. As the taller one turned to leave, his partner put a hand to his chest, a light touch just for a second, then walked over to stand by the car. The man put out his cigarette and crossed the street. 

Dean heard someone say, “Zeppelin?” He lifted his head up and looked into the face of a very nice looking man. “Excuse me?”, he said. He had been leaning on the car, legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded across his chest. He had his head back and his eyes closed, enjoying the heat of the sun on his face. And he had been humming. 

“You were humming. ‘Misty Mountain, I think.”

Dean smiled, a small one. One corner of his mouth turned up and puff of air escaped. 

The man smiled back. “It’s understandable. Must be the car. Is it yours?” He nodded towards the Impala. “She sure is a beauty.” 

Dean’s smile broadened. His lips parted and now the nice looking man was getting the full Dean Winchester grin. The one that made him look like a proud parent. “Yea, that’s my baby.” And he reached out and tapped the hood.

“The upkeep must be murder. Those guys charge a fortune.”

“Nah, do most of it myself. Rebuilt her from the frame up a few years ago”

“Nice body work..”

Dean smiled again at the compliment that he was misinterpreting. 

"Do the engine work, too."

“ That sounds pretty dirty.“

Dean paused before he answered. The comment seemed odd. "It's not so bad if you know what you're doing." 

" I have to admit, you do look like you can get the job done" 

"Yeah, well, I take good care of my baby. "

"I'm sure you do." He took a beat to gauge the reaction. He noticed a thoughtful and maybe slightly confused expression on Dean's face. So, he kept talking. "Do you think I could get a look under the hood?”

Dean was always ready to show off his work. And he was very proud of it. So, he dismissed his other thoughts, clapped the man on the shoulder and steered him towards the front of the car. In turn, Dean felt a hand on his back as he was also being steered. But the direction was still a little unclear to him.

Dean asked, “Do you know much about cars?”

“No, not really, but I know when I see something I like.” Then the man smiled again. “And you know, I’d really like to take a look at that back seat.”

Dean stepped away. He wore a puzzled look. He was replaying the conversation and tried to figure out where he got lost. “What?”

“I mean, we could zip around the corner, away from the crowd, and be done before your boyfriend gets back.”

Dean took another step back. His eyebrows shot up and then lowered with a furrowed brow. He understood perfectly now and he laughed.  
He couldn’t believe it. He had probably used all those cheesy ‘power under the hood’ and ‘hard body’ pick up lines himself, dozens of times..

Dean crossed his arms and lowered his head as he shook it slowly, back and forth. He looked up at the man and if anyone had been watching, it would have looked liked Dean was scolding him. His voice was calm and soft and he wore a smirk.

“This was never about the car, was it?”

The man shrugged, tilting his head to one side and raising his eyebrows.  
“Well, I saw you two and if he’s gonna leave you out here all alone with nothing to do…..” He raised his arms, elbows bent , palms up. An apology? No hard feelings? 

There were no hard feelings. Dean actually kind of enjoyed it. He was flattered but, he wouldn’t jeopardize what he had with Sam. He did feel a little foolish about not catching on sooner. But, he thought, maybe that’s what happens when you’re not looking. He brought his hand up and returned it to the man’s shoulder.

“Listen, how about you just admire the body work and we leave it at that?”

 

“


	6. Chapter 6

They had fallen into a routine. Not really, there was nothing routine about it. Actually there was nothing ordinary, casual or conventional in the relationship between Sam and Dean. 

They loved each other. 

Dean took the lead. By nature, since he was more aggressive and by fact, since he had always felt responsible for Sam’s happiness. He worshipped Sam’s long lean body. He treasured the feeling of solid muscle in his arms. He felt an, almost uncontrollable emotional charge when he entered his brother and felt the warmth envelop him. And they moved and they rocked in their own private rhythm until neither was in control and whatever they became created a force of its own and carried them to bliss. 

And they would cry out. Each one speaking disconnected, unintelligible words until the moment they each released his own soul with the sound of his brother’s name. 

Sam wanted to give Dean that feeling. He wanted Dean to trust him enough to give up all that control and responsibility and let Sam take him there. He wanted to fill him to the point where he just had to let go. It wasn’t weakness, he would tell him, it was freedom. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he said yes.

The first time Sam used his fingers, Dean had almost passed out. Sam had been licking and sucking, his hand stroking his brother up and down, running his tongue across the tip. He was bringing Dean close but not close enough. Then he began to lick his balls and draw them into his mouth one at a time. It was almost too much sensation and Dean was panting and cursing and almost begging. 

So, when Dean felt the warm, wet swipe across his hole and the pressure as Sam pressed his tongue to the spot, he pushed down. And Sam used his tongue and forced the tip just inside and circled the opening. That was when Dean made a sound that Sam had never heard before. His best guess was something between a growl and a sigh.

Taking that as encouragement, and adding just enough saliva to ease the way, Sam slipped in his thumb. And that was when Dean hit his head on the headboard. 

Immediately, Sam brought his free hand to his brother’s belly, pressing firmly to still him and rubbing small circles to calm him. He could hear Dean panting and if possible, he would have smiled at the comedy of watching Dean lose his cool. 

In Dean’s experiences, he set the rules because sex was for his pleasure. Of course, in general, part of his pleasure was pleasing his partner but, mostly it was all about him. The end result was that he was satisfied.

It was different with Sam. It was about everything Dean could do to please him. All he wanted was to hear Sam moan and cry out and laugh and feel his hands grabbing and reaching for him. He enjoyed the feeling of scratches on his skin and tiny red marks from fingernails. He wanted to take Sam out of himself and out of the present until there was nothing but the two of them. 

And when Sam asked Dean to let him do the same for him, Dean had hesitated. He wanted to give Sam everything and Sam wanted to give him this. Dean had never let anyone inside like that. It was too intimate. It required too much trust. Dean could never give that much of himself to anyone, he thought, except Sam. 

Sam felt Dean shift his position, opening his legs wider and bending his knees tighter as an invitation. Sam pushed his tongue further twisting and licking as much as the space would allow. He brought his other hand down and used his two thumbs to stretch his brother’s opening as he distracted him by returning his mouth to Dean’s balls and the sensitive skin around them. 

Sam knew Dean would never complain but, he also knew that without more lubrication this would be too painful. This was the first time and Sam wanted to make Dean want to do this again. Sam removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue and licked a wet stripe along the puckered skin. 

Sam got to his knees to reach into the drawer of the bedside table and almost immediately, he felt Dean’s legs wrap around him. He became off balanced, as he heard Dean say, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” And Sam laughed as he fell on top of his brother. 

Dean wanted it to be good for Sam. He told him not to be afraid of hurting him. They were laying in bed, in each other’s arms. Sam got up and leaning on his elbow, he took his other hand and turned Dean’s head to face him.

“ I want to make you as happy as you make me. I don’t want to hurt you. Please, Dean. Just let go and let me take care of you. ”

Dean said yes. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean would remember the first time he said no.  
And Dean would remember the first time he said yes.  
And probably each time after.


	7. pleasure and pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART THREE: Pleasure and Pain

He was having trouble defining it, but Sam believed he was more confused than anything else. The day had been quiet; they hadn’t argued or stressed about anything. In fact, they had spent most of their time exactly as they were now. They were lying in bed tangled up in each other. 

Their relationship had become more intimate and their time together was mostly sweet and tender. Sam loved his brother with a reverence that was almost religious and Dean treated him like a precious gift.

That’s why the sudden viciousness of the bite near his shoulder was so puzzling. And Sam’s reflex reaction, with the heel of his hand, had left a red mark on his brother’s chest. Dean had not even appeared to notice how rough they had been . If Sam were completely honest, with himself, he would have admitted that Dean wasn’t unaware, he was pleased. Not pleased, so much, he seemed satisfied. 

Sam was well aware that his brother was more experienced and there were probably things that Dean had never shared. He also knew that Dean was a very physical person and there were times when sex between them resembled something close to Greco-Roman wrestling. But nothing like this had ever happened before. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxsss

Dean thought about the first time he went looking for the hurt.

It had been a long couple of days and things were not going smoothly. He was edgy and his nerves were like ants under his skin. He thought he was itching for a fight; he didn’t really know what he wanted. 

She could have been just another biker chick, all dressed in black, sitting alone at the corner table. But, something told Dean she was just what he needed. He glanced her way and she looked him dead in the eyes. 

She approached him and Dean watched, becoming more interested with each step she took. She stopped close enough to touch him, but she didn’t. She said, “You look like you could be some kind of tough guy.” 

Dean’s mouth curved up into a half smile and he said, “I think I could manage that.” She leaned in closer, and said. “My idea of a tough guy can take it. You gonna be a tough guy for me?” And with that, she slipped a card in his pocket and walked out. 

On the card, was an address and it wasn’t far. In fact, Dean got there so quickly, he saw her walk in and followed right behind her. He reached out to touch her and she batted his hand away. From the surprised look she saw on his face, she thought that Dean had yet to fully understand the rules. 

But, before she could speak, she saw his expression change. She saw that same half smile and a little bit of a spark in his eye. She turned and walked into the other room. Without looking back, she said. “I’m going to get myself ready and when I get back, I expect to find you on the bed, naked.” 

It was clear to Dean who was in charge here and he found that he was okay with that. He did as he was told, with a smile on his face. Dean got himself comfortable and she walked into the room, fully dressed. Dean was intrigued and he smiled, again, as he thought of unwrapping her like a gift. He reached out and made the offer.

She approached him and placed her two hands in his, intertwining their fingers. She brought their lips almost close enough and she ran her tongue across his mouth. His lips parted and she slipped her tongue inside. Dean opened his mouth wider and reached out with his own. 

She pulled away, even, as she leaned her body onto him until he felt only the slightest sensation of her breasts on his skin and she spoke softly in his ear. “This is all about what I’m gonna do. You cool with that, tough guy?” Dean didn’t need to speak to answer her question and let her know he was, indeed, cool with that. 

She restrained him, in bindings from which, they both knew, he could easily escape. It was clear that the objective wasn't that he couldn't get away, but that he wouldn't try. With no more warning than a peck with her lips and a small tug with her teeth, she attached nipple clamps, just for show, she told him. Then she used her hands and her mouth to further encourage his erection . And then she would squeeze at the base or the head, maybe tighter than necessary or just walk away and leave him aching. Whatever it took to hear that guttural growl that slipped out, and to watch the play of his powerful muscles as he clutched at the headboard, letting her know he was having trouble holding on. She liked that about him.

And when he rolled on his stomach, she licked the sensitive skin that formed the crease between his ass and his thigh and as he moved to create desperately needed friction, she would smack him, with a small paddle. And the combination of the warm and wet with the sharpness of the hit, plus the ache, took him to a place he'd never been before.. And all the while, she would ask him if he was a ‘tough guy’ and each time she did, Dean’s dick would answer. 

For an interminable amount of time, Dean got caressed and pinched. He was licked and bitten. And time after time he was brought to the edge. Finally, just as he thought he would have to do it himself, she wrapped her hand around his cock and after running her thumb across the leaking head, she squeezed him one more time, before she sucked him dry.

Dean panted, his breath uneven, escaping in mixed sounds.. But it wasn’t over yet. Just as he felt his insides tighten and she felt his body begin to spasm, she tugged at the thin chain connecting the nipple clamps, all but ignored by her but, providing constant stimulation for him. And as she pulled, the tiny teeth gripped and the skin was pinched and stretched.and he screamed from an orgasm that he swore would kill him. It was exquisite.


	8. Chapter 8

“Dean, wake up.” Sam said. When,he got no more response than a muffled grumbling, he tried again. Sam pushed Dean on the shoulder and again told him to wake up. 

“Come on, Sam. recovery time, here.” Dean said as he pulled the covers over his head. Sam shoved him again, harder . With that, Dean sat up and faced his brother. As he ran his hand through his short hair, he said, “ Okay Sammy, this better be good. What’s wrong?” 

Sam gingerly touched the bruise and was maybe just a little surprised to find a small smear of blood on his fingers. He put his hand in his brother’s face. “You tell me, Dean. You fucking broke the skin”

Dean let a small huff of a laugh escape. “I guess I don’t know my own strength.” He turned away, closing his eyes and pressing his lips tightly together. He had hurt Sam

“Bullshit! I don’t know anyone who can rein it in like you can. If you want to”

Dean got out of bed and stood with his back to Sam. He didn’t know what to say. 

“What is it, Dean?” Sam paused; he was worried. But there was a question he needed to ask. “ Are you angry about something or are you sorry we started this?”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about the first time he delivered the hurt.

 

Dean found he was a biter. He didn’t know when it started, really but, he liked the feel of it. The power, the ownership of it. And he did control it. He put it out there as nips and scrapes and sometimes as short, sharp tugs on the skin. 

Until he met him. He was a bartender in a town where the job was solo and slow. Dean became a regular, the way you can, in an out of the way place by the side of the highway. Just show up two or three nights in a row and you practically owned the place. 

He was the friendly type, a talker. And Dean liked the sound of his voice and the invitation that a few free drinks suggested. And he wasn’t shy. He made Dean an offer that first night. He admired the cut of Dean’s jaw and those freakin’ lips. 

He was cleaning up and placed a tray of glasses on the bar near Dean. Then he got close, close enough to whisper. Dean placed his palm under the man’s chin and wrapping his fingers around his jaw, pulled him into a kiss. It was all teeth and tongue and Dean held the bartender’s jaw tighter than necessary. 

And they chewed and they sucked and Dean bit the bartender’s tongue, just a quick grab and drop as he released his hold so the bartender could pull away. But he merely turned his head and presented his throat. Dean clamped down on the soft skin, where the neck meets the shoulder, feeling the other man’s pulse beating against his lips and tongue. And he squeezed and he squeezed until he heard the pleasure in the man’s moans and felt it pressed against his thigh. 

He said to Dean, “I want those strong, calloused hands stroking my cock until the flesh is red and raw and then I want you to take it in your mouth and wash it clean with your spit and scrape it dry with your teeth.

Then I’m gonna suck on your fingers, till they’re dripping wet, so you can shove them inside me and force my hole open for you. And I’ll be pleading with you to let me come but you won’t and I can’t because you’ve strapped a ring on me, tight.

And I have to watch you jack yourself until you’re hard and leaking. I’m begging to suck your cock and you, eventually, will allow me to and if I try to touch myself, at all, you’ll mark me with your teeth or bruise me with your hands . Then you’ll flip me over so you can push yourself inside me. You’re gonna try to go slowly so I can adjust to the feeling , but I won’t let you. I’m gonna push down and clench the muscles and draw you in.

And you’re gonna fuck me so hard that you’re gonna explode all sloppy and wet. leaving bruises where your hands gripped me and bite marks on my back and my shoulders and my ass and maybe even my balls. And with the last few seconds of consciousness, you’ll show mercy and let me remove the ring.” 

And that was their first night.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean spun around to face his brother. His expression was difficult for Sam to read. It was unfamiliar It was fear. And although that thought was quite unsettling to his brain, Sam suddenly felt better. As long as Dean didn’t want to stop what they were doing, anything else was fixable. Anything. He watched as Dean slowly shook his head. 

Sam leaned back against the headboard and offered his hand. Dean climbed back into bed. Dean leaned in and placed the gentlest of kisses on Sam’s lips and when he pressed to make it more intense, Dean pulled back. Even before Sam could voice his concerns, Dean placed his forefinger on his brother’s lips and smiled. Then he turned his face away. 

Dean absently rubbed his fingers over the spot on his chest. “ I’m sorry, Sammy.”

He didn’t speak for several minutes and Sam began to think that he had misinterpreted Dean’s fear. He reached out and cupping Dean’s chin, he turned his brother’s head to face him. He thought he saw his brother’s eyes well up with tears. 

“I didn’t think I would ever want to hurt you.”

Sam released his hold on Dean and sat back .He took a minute to digest what Dean was trying not to say. He had recently had feelings that Dean was holding back, sometimes, and realized now, that his suspicions were more than likely true. 

“It’s okay, Dean. I just want to understand.”

Dean took his brother’s face in his two hands and looked into his eyes, not caring or noticing the tear that slipped down his cheek. “Sammy, no .” He reached out with his left hand and lightly touched Sam’s shoulder. “I hurt you.”

Sam placed his own hand on top of Dean’s. “I love you. Just tell me what you need.” 

Dean knew that Sam was more sentimental and emotional about sex. It had never really been all about the physical with him, (even though Dean had found them getting more to a middle ground. ) They were both strong and Dean's imagination was working overtime on playing with that power. He didn't know how comfortable his brother was with all this since they hadn't talked about it much after that day. But, once again, Sam proved himself to be a quick study and determined to please Dean.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time it hurt so good

 

Sam had never heard his brother make a sound like that before. But he knew it was good and he knew that he liked it..

He was straddling Dean, his knees on either side of his brother’s ribs, pinning his arms to his sides, and all Dean could do was grip the sheets. With his dick resting on Dean’s lips, Sam told his brother to keep his mouth closed and he began to jack himself, brushing and bumping on his brother’s mouth. When he was ready, Sam told Dean to open and he swallowed it all. Except for what Sam scooped out to coat the finger that he unceremoniously shoved up Dean’s ass. 

Dean was already hard and leaking when Sam decided to completely remove all physical contact except for his hands around Dean’s wrists and his mouth on his nipples. After some teasing, Dean was beyond desperate for more. Sam gripped one of the nubs, with his teeth, and tugged. 

Dean arched his back and Sam used his free hand to squeeze the base of Dean’s cock. And Dean made that noise again. Sam had never felt the desire to be so forceful. But, he had also never had a partner like Dean. He was pure sexual energy wrapped in a beautiful package. And once you got a taste of it, he was irresistible. 

By the time Dean was allowed to come, Sam had marked him and manhandled him from his throat to his thighs. And Dean was pretty certain that his balls had gone beyond anything in the color wheel..However, Sam was not without his own souvenirs, including, Dean was sure, a red handprint on his ass and something very close to a twin to that bite mark on his shoulder.

Both Sam and Dean had orgasms so intense, they wanted to name them. 

As they lay together, Sam holding his brother in his arms, with his lips pressed to Dean’s forehead, Dean asked if he was okay. Sam hummed into Dean’s skin. 

“ Sammy,” The word came out with his breath. It wasn’t even a conscious thought. And the question followed, all on its own. “Do you think you might want to try something like this again?” 

Sam didn’t answer right away. He kinda liked having so much control. More accurately, it was relieving Dean of the responsibility of making the decision, that did it for him. He took another second or two, stroking Dean’s hair. 

Sam kissed his brother’s forehead and lifting his own head, he nestled his chin into his brother’s hair. “Dean,” he said, pausing to hear the ‘hmm’ just to make sure Dean was listening before he continued. “ Have you ever tied anybody up?” 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Yes, Dean would remember the first time he went looking for the hurt.  
And Dean would remember the first time he delivered the hurt.  
But, both Sam and Dean would remember the first time it hurt so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to stop. But, I'm stuck. If anyone has any ideas what could happen next, I'd appreciate the help. Thanks


	10. want and need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART FOUR: Want and Need

Dean reached out and swept his arm across the bed. He opened one eye and turned his head to look toward the bathroom. The door was open and the light was out. 

“Sam,” he spoke loudly enough for his voice to fill the whole room. And his answer was like an echo as it bounced off the walls of the small space. He was alone.

He rolled over onto his back and patted his belly. ‘good man’, he said as he got out of bed to use the bathroom. 

When he was done, he lay back in bed, ankles crossed, hands behind his head. He smiled as he thought of Sam getting his breakfast this morning. “That’s the way to take care of me”, he said out loud.

He heard his phone ring and barely got out ‘hey’ before Sam said “ I got breakfast. You awake or do I have to wake you?” It was light and teasing. 

Dean took a minute to decide which choice he was hungrier for.  
“Stay awake.” Sam said with a chuckle.  
“You gonna make me?’ Dean taunted  
They laughed as they imagined the result of that dare, with or without the inclusion of food.  
“You’re mine.” Sam said

It was a fact. Not a tease or a threat. Not playful or boasting. And it comforted Dean. He would return to his previous position to wait. But first, he gave a few minutes of attention to his dick, in response to Sam’s statement. 

He had one hand on his very cooperative cock and he stroked it lazily, just to keep it interested until Sam got back. His other hand was loosely wrapped around his throat, absently rubbing at the skin.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time someone tried to own him 

 

It was a rare situation; the Winchesters were dug in. They were living in a rented house and expected to be in this town, and this school, for at least two months. Dean had little use for structured schooling. He read what he liked and learned what was interesting to him. He would never go beyond high school and doubted he’d even finish. 

The only purpose this school served him was variety. There were hundreds of girls here and in two months, Dean would pick and choose until he got his fill. 

It wasn’t his intention to form any long lasting relationships, even though two months, in one place, was like a lifetime for Dean. He had never had any real relationship outside of his family. They never stayed anywhere long enough to make it worthwhile. 

Then he met this girl and she appeared to be like him. Sex was fun and she was always available. She would search him out at school and cling to him. He was okay with that, for now. 

She was a pretty girl, prettier because she was willing. Dean could wrap his arm around her slim rounded hips and slip his hand under the waistband of her jeans as they walked through the school hallways. And she didn’t mind a quick detour under the staircase or in the janitor’s closet. 

She started to say he was her boyfriend. Dean would roll his eyes and figured that was the price you pay at seventeen. 

Then one day, she saw him talking to another girl. That wasn’t unusual. After all, he was friendly and gorgeous and if other girls wanted to drool over him, better for her. Because he was hers. She watched with a smug look on her face. 

Whether Dean saw her there or not, it really didn’t matter. He wasn’t answering to her or any other girl. She watched as Dean passed her his phone and she punched in a number. He took back his phone, leaned in to whisper something that elicited a giggle and snuck a quick grab of her ass., then he turned and walked away. 

He heard her call but, he kept on walking. Next, he heard her call to the other girl, knowing her name only because he saw it on his phone. But that got his attention. Maybe, he thought, he would be lucky enough to witness a good old-fashioned cat fight. 

“Don’t you talk to him, bitch!”  
Dean stopped where he was and turned around. A gentleman would step in and diffuse the situation. Teenage Dean was no gentleman. He leaned against the wall with a grin on his face, partly due to a twitch in his pants and that only took attention away from the excitement. 

So, all the other girls were looking at Dean when they heard, “he belongs to me.” And they watched as he calmly raised his eyebrows and walked away. 

Dean fucked her best friend that afternoon and never spoke to her again.


	11. Chapter 11

The day before had ended badly but, the evening held promise, if only Dean would cooperate, Sam thought. 

Dean was agitated; things weren’t going the way he expected and he blamed himself. Maybe he needed a better plan, maybe he needed to take more risk. Sam couldn’t listen to this anymore.

“Dean,” Sam said. “You can’t do this to yourself. You need to take a break.”  
“What, a day off?” Dean asked, with much insincerity.  
“Yeah,” Sam paused as his thoughts drifted, “ in a way.”  
Dean’s expression was somewhere between confused and insulted. Sam smiled at Dean’s distress.   
‘I’ll take care of everything” Sam said, reaching out and lifting Dean’s chin, to look directly in his face. 

He saw the lines on Dean’s forehead and he was squinting. The corners of his eyes slanted downward; it made Dean look almost sad and Sam had a thought that his eyes were frowning. He looked into those beautiful eyes and the slight redness highlighted the green and it was like a beacon that threatened to draw Sam out of himself.   
“Tonight, you belong to me”

After dinner, Sam takes the keys. There’s no discussion. He chooses the place. He orders their drinks and chooses the table. Dean is just along for the ride. Sam is attentive, almost doting. He touched Dean, he stroked his face, his arms, his thigh and they kiss.  
Dean is relaxed; he smiles and actually enjoys himself. 

Sam asks Dean if he wants to play pool. They don’t really need the money; let’s play for fun. Sam goes to get another beer and a man approaches Dean. The talk is casual, at first, then he makes a suggestion. Dean laughs it off. Sam is there, in an instant. 

“You ok, Dean?” and he steps closer, as he wraps an arm around Dean’s waist, having placed their drinks on a nearby table. Dean smiles and both of the other men can appreciate that. 

Who’s that..., your bodyguard?” The stranger said,  
Dean didn’t answer, he looked to Sam. And it felt liberating.  
Sam smiled and pulled Dean closer. He said, “ Believe me, he can take care of himself. But, if you were lucky enough to be me…” and he kissed Dean in a way that should have been done in private.

It was all tongue and spit and moans. And they pressed together and their hands roamed and grabbed and squeezed. And they grinded their hips against one another until it was almost a dance. 

And when they broke, for breath, both of them panting, Sam turned, surprised to see the other man still standing there. He put a smug look on his face and said, “he belongs to me and I take care of him.”

Dean liked the sound of that. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time someone tried to claim him.

 

He and Baby followed behind the guy. Dean didn’t want any misunderstanding. And he would leave when he was ready. The ride was not far from where they met. 

The apartment was small but neat and clean. The front door opened into a short hallway. Dean followed, passing a kitchen and a bathroom then turning a corner into a large room which served as living room and bedroom. 

Dean sat on the small sofa and looked around as his host got them a couple of beers. He was facing a double dresser with a flat screen tv on top and he could see a bed behind it. He looked toward the window and saw a round bistro table and two chairs. 

Dean was very comfortable. The place reminded him of so many motel rooms. But cleaner and brighter.This was somebody’s home.

Dean’s host brought him a beer and drank his, while he checked the door to the terrace and closed the curtains. He placed his bottle on the small table and straddled Dean’s lap. 

Dean smiled but continued to drink. The man started to rock back and forth, placing his two hands on Dean’s shoulders. Dean shifted to bring their hips closer together. He now had both hands on the cushions letting it all happen to him. 

The man ran his hands under Dean’s shirt and kneaded the skin of his chest and squeezed and lightly twisted his nipples which caused Dean to grab the man’s waist and pull him further onto his lap. Dean let his head fall back and he felt the heat and the wetness as he was licked and sucked on his neck and jawline. 

Dean’s zipper was being pulled down slowly enough to make his hips buck asking for more. A hand wrapped around his swelling cock and his breath became more forceful and uneven. He was encouraged to lift his hips to lower his jeans and release his already leaking dick.

He felt the smooth push -pull that became faster and stronger until it wasn’t enough. He gripped the man tighter, and he felt him release his throat and whisper in his ear. “I want this big beautiful cock in my mouth.”. Dean made a sound which could only be interpreted as a yes.

When they were done, both spent and satisfied, Dean got out of bed. He went into the bathroom to clean up and get ready to leave. He was sticky, covered in sweat and dried saliva and cum. He took a quick shower and as he reached for a towel, he noticed something. 

He stepped closer to the mirror and raised his head; he twisted to expose more of his throat. At the collarbone, he saw a mark. It was small, not even the size of the quarter, but it was dark. It was red and looked almost like a bruise. 

Dean closed his eyes and breathed in so forcefully, through his nose, that it curled his upper lip. He breathed it out just as forcefully through his mouth. He opened his eyes wide and his hands gripped the sink so tightly, he could have ripped it from the wall.

“Son of a bitch.” He said, straining to keep his voice and himself under control. It was a good time, at least until now. He had planned to leave quietly, maybe even a good night kiss. But, he was no longer happy. That bastard had marked him. 

Dean didn’t do hickeys. He wouldn’t belong to any of these strangers. He earned the marks on his body through his work. No one else had the right. 

Dean dressed without concern and soon his host was awakened.   
“You don’t have to leave.”   
Dean snapped at him “Don’t fucking tell me what to do.”  
The man stepped back and raised his two hands, “Just an invitation, dude’ I thought we had a good time.”  
Dean took a couple of deep breaths. He pulled down the neck of his t shirt   
and exposed the mark. The man smiled and shrugged. For some reason, that ‘what’s the big deal’ attitude, only made Dean more angry. 

Dean turned and started toward the door. The man grabbed Dean’s arm. He was hoping to clear up the misunderstanding. Dean yanked his arm away. He turned back and raised a hand to stop the man from coming closer.

He lowered his head slowly until he was looking up at his host. His stare was so cold, it was almost frightening and the man stepped back. Dean turned and left the apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean heard the familiar rumble of his baby’s engine. He smiled at the thought that everything he needed had just arrived. He got out of bed and grabbed a pair of shorts, adjusting himself. “Down ,boy “, he said and squeezed, just a little. 

Sam walked through the door and smiled when he saw Dean. He placed the box he was carrying on the kitchen counter. They moved towards each other and Sam opened his arms. He wrapped them around Dean and held his head against his chest.

As he held him, he could feel Dean’s stiffening cock against him and he said, “Miss me?” Dean turned his head slightly and nipped at Sam’s throat. They laughed but, Dean could feel Sam’s interest increasing against his hip. 

They kissed and rubbed and moaned and licked and bit until they heard Dean’s stomach grumble. It was so loud and so jarring in the midst of their private moment, they both turned toward the door in their confusion. 

They decided to have breakfast. As they ate, Sam asked Dean how he slept. Dean raised an eyebrow and put a smirk on his face. 

“You tell me. You’re the one who knocked me out.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about how it felt to be cherished. 

 

He didn’t have a thought in his head, other than how good he felt. 

Dean was a sexual animal. It was a physical thing for him. But, that was before he and Sam had started this relationship. Now, there was more soul, more need. They still bucked like broncos to satisfaction but, there were those times when he needed only the security and reassurance of how much he was loved. 

Sam drove them back to the motel but, not before a pit stop in the Impala’s backseat where Sam used his hands to pleasure Dean, all the while, whispering all the things he would to do him in bed. Dean took the ride home, still sprawled out in the back, barely able to remember how to sit up. 

Sam had Dean undress as he ran a shower. He bathed him and caressed his smooth warm skin. He kissed him and licked at the drops that rolled down from his hair.

He took Dean’s dick in his hand and stroked, slowly at first, their bodies still wet and slippery with soap. He used his other hand to support Dean as he leaned back against the shower tiles. Dean’s arms were wrapped around Sam’s neck and they kissed. 

Dean became more forceful as he reacted to Sam’s touch. And when Sam opened his hand to add his own cock, then squeezed them together, Dean’s head fell back and he his breath forced itself out carrying Sam’s name.

Once they were in bed, Sam rode Dean, even reaching beneath to play with his balls. Dean was also watching Sam’s dick swell and leak within his hand. The added sensation and the sight of it all brought Dean’s orgasm quickly and powerfully. Sam soon followed. 

They lay in bed, on their sides, Sam enveloping his brother like a blanket. His one arm supporting Dean’s neck and his other wrapped around him. One hand was on his chest, fingers splayed like a shield, for protection.

Dean pressed himself against Sam, bending at the hips to get closer, to feel more of him. He placed his hand over Sam’s and sighed. He was calm and he felt at peace. The world had disappeared. Dean lifted Sam’s hand from his chest and kissed the palm. 

Sam said, “It feels good to be taken care of.”  
“Maybe this could be a thing.” Dean answered, unwittingly sounding more hopeful than teasing.  
“Any time you want.” Sam paused, unsure if he should take this conversation down a more serious turn. He heard the emotion in his brother’s words and decided to take the chance.  
“ But, Dean, I don’t want you to wait until you’re all stressed out. If I can’t see it coming, I want you to tell me.”  
“Maybe you can put a bell around my neck” Dean smiled mischievously.  
Sam’s smile was almost wicked, “Maybe, I’ll get you a collar.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean would remember the first time someone tried to own him  
And Dean would remember the first time someone tried to claim him  
And now, Dean would know what it felt like to be cherished


	13. watch and learn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART FIVE: Watch and Learn

Dean knew how to make himself feel good. And although it took him a while to figure it out, one of the things that made him feel good was having an audience. 

Maybe it was because they worked in the shadows. Maybe it was because the fake IDs and multiple aliases made him feel almost non-existent. Whatever it was, when he was able, Dean enjoyed being seen. 

He knew his looks got him noticed and he knew how to take advantage of that. He took that habit of licking his lips and perfected it.

The place was packed. And Dean was working on becoming the center of attention. He smiled; he flirted; he stood too close. He got free drinks and phone numbers. He got invited to play pool and invited to play house. 

He looked around the room. He saw which girls were available and avoided them. He wanted to entice the ones with jealous boyfriends; the men who would challenge him and bet big money. The ones who would attract a crowd. 

He looked for the men who looked at him. He offered them an opportunity to get close. To share a laugh, maybe even a touch, a brush of the hands, an arm around the shoulders, all to encourage a friendly wager. 

And he looked towards the bar. He saw Sam. He winked to let him know he was okay, especially when he appeared too drunk to know what he was doing. 

Sam thought he was there to back Dean up, not that it would be necessary. But Dean saw the way Sam looked at him. He enjoyed watching him. And Dean did need him here. He wasn’t interested in any of these other people. He would do what he had to. 

He made himself irresistible and desirable. And he did all this for an audience of one.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about the first time he knew he liked being watched 

 

They took a break from their teasing and flirting and went into the back room of her father’s store. She leaned against the wall, twirling her hair and lowering her head to look up at him. It was that coy thing that teenage girls do.

Dean placed his hands on the wall just above her shoulders then leaned in to kiss her. It was quick and sweet. She reached around his neck and began to play with the fabric of his t-shirt. 

They kissed again and Dean slid his tongue across her lips. She opened her mouth just enough. Dean leaned against her, she pushed into him. He moved his hands around her waist and lowered them to cup her ass. She giggled and playfully pushed him away. 

Dean smiled. He’d play, he thought. They did it again. This time he ran a hand up her thigh, under her skirt (he loved a girl in a school uniform, he thought to himself). He was already getting hard and she could feel it. 

“No,” she said. Dean chuckled into her neck. But, he didn’t stop. She said it again and he stepped back. She ran towards the door. 

Dean leaned heavily against the wall and palmed himself. He pressed harder and tried to put his thoughts elsewhere. But, at sixteen, his thoughts wouldn’t go elsewhere. He thought of his hands in her soft, silky hair, the smoothness of her skin, the smell of her. It was hopeless. 

He opened his pants to relieve the pressure of it. He touched himself and held on. He ran his thumb over the tip and spread the fluid that was starting to leak out and he sighed. 

A sound startled him. He froze. It was only because he was so close to coming, and so withdrawn from his surroundings, that he hadn’t immediately recognized the sound for what it was. Someone was watching. 

Dean didn’t know what to do next. His body, however, had its own answer and soon he realized that he liked it. 

His loud moan was clearly an invitation. And he began to exaggerate his movements. It wasn’t intentional, it was uncontrollable. He turned toward the door and heard another sound, a gasp? He squeezed to stop himself from speaking. 

His free hand slipped under his t-shirt and he rubbed his palm on his nipple. He felt his legs get shaky as he continued to stroke himself faster and harder. His breath escaped in uneven puffs and grunts. 

At first, he was merely getting it done. Now, he was feeling inspired. Every few strokes, he would twist his wrist as he approached the head. It turned his breath into a sound. 

His body spasmed as he released into his hand. He leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes, breathing heavily through his mouth to regain himself. 

He heard a soft sound, like a whine, and he smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam sat back and watched, as he slowly drank his beer. It was a money making night and Dean was putting on a show. Sam watched his brother as he smiled and laughed. He leaned in close to whisper in girls’ ears and   
stood too close to men to tell jokes and share comments. And he played like a master. The bets were being made that he would miss a shot; Dean never missed that shot. And if he appeared too drunk to complete a combo, the result was determined by the money.

Sam had a revelation that evening. He realized that he was watching something he had seen hundreds of times and was actually noticing something else for the first time. 

Dean wasn't merely working, he was enjoying himself. And a self-satisfied smile curled Sam’s lips as he watched them, one by one, fall victim to the charms of Dean Winchester. 

Dean usually avoided drawing attention to himself. He always taught Sam that in their line of work, it was best to try and stay out of the limelight. Sam had always presumed that Dean’s behavior at the pool table was an act. He wanted to be noticed. He needed to be seen as an overconfident braggart or an incompetent drunk. 

But, tonight, Sam was paying attention. He watched Dean interacting with the other players. He saw the flash of that magnetic smile, he saw the graceful motion as he moved through the space, and he saw the light creating shadows on that perfect face and reflecting off those beautiful eyes. And then he saw how Dean looked at him.

Sam had always thought that Dean was checking for his back up. Sam realized that Dean was checking for his audience. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about the first time he encouraged being watched.

 

Suddenly, Dean pressed his body against the bartender, sending him face forward against the wall. The bartender quickly slapped his hands against the painted surface, to protect himself. He turned his head and spoke breathlessly, “I have a room here. It’s more private.”

Dean didn’t answer right away. He leaned heavier, his increasing interest making itself known. He rested his head on the other man’s shoulder and growled into his ear, “Did I ask for privacy?” This elicited a groan from the bartender and a pushback with his ass. Dean appreciated the quick agreement. 

He reached around and squeezed the bulge in the other man’s pants and he moaned. He squeezed just a little harder expecting that this might even have been a bit painful.

Then Dean said, in that same deep, gritty voice, “What I want is you on your knees, with my cock down your throat. Right here in this hallway.” 

That was when he heard a sound that would have convinced him, if he didn’t have his hands on the man’s dick, that the bartender had just come in his pants. 

He turned the bartender around, with one hand, while he opened his jeans and leaned against the opposite wall. The man knelt in front of Dean and took his cock in his hand, stroking and smearing pre-come before he took it in his mouth. 

Dean grabbed the soft, thick hair and manipulated the man’s head as he pumped into his mouth. The thought of being in this hallway that led to the back door, and in plain sight of anyone on their way to the men’s room, stoked him. 

His breath was becoming uneven and released in grunts. He could hear voices in the hallway and he tightened his grip on the man’s hair, until he felt a hand on his, in a desperate plea to ease up. Dean choked out a laugh but did loosen his fingers. 

He didn’t last much longer. His pants were loose enough for him to feel his balls being fondled. It was a tender touch and when the fingers drew away, it almost tickled. It caused him to buck his hips so forcefully, that someone would have surely gotten hurt, if the bartender had not been able to bring that arm across Dean’s hips to try and contain him. 

When it was done and Dean had put himself back together, he turned to leave out the back door. The bartender had already returned to work and Dean felt no need for goodbye. It was just sex and it was done. He wiped his hands on his pants legs and went out into the night with a smile on his face.


	15. Chapter 15

That was quite a show you put on tonight’

Dean laughed as he dug in his pocket. “Yeah,” he said, “twenty-two hundred bucks worth.” He held the money up and fanned it at Sam.

Sam laughed too, “Worth every penny,” he said. He reached over and drew Dean toward him as they walked to the car. 

As they approached the Impala, Dean tossed Sam the keys and turned to walk around to the passenger side. Suddenly he found himself pressed against the driver’s side door. Sam leaned heavily on him as he wrapped one arm around Dean’s waist. 

He licked behind Dean’s ear and said, “You like that everyone was watching you, huh Dean?” He pushed his hips into Dean and whispered, “Or was it that I was watching you?”

Dean made a sound that told Sam he was right. Sam slid his hand to grab Dean’s crotch and squeezed. Dean pushed his ass into Sam.

Sam could easily see this getting out of control. Dean had taken Sam’s hand in one of his and began to rub himself through his jeans. And he was pushing himself against Sam causing his cock to respond. He knew that now that he was aware of Dean’s little kink, there was no reason for him to hold back.   
.  
“Dean,” he said, “tell me what you want.” He paused waiting for a response. “You want me to fuck you in this parking lot, for anyone to see?”

Dean moaned, it was deep and Sam could feel it as he leaned on his back. He took Sam’s hand and tried to slip it into the waistband of his pants. Sam whispered for Dean to get in the car. 

Sam wasn’t shy but, he wasn’t so sure he was comfortable with this. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he was put on display. 

 

The door was unmarked but locked. They were invited in. This kind of place was not unfamiliar to them. Sam spoke to the man at the door as he paid the fee. He nodded and pointed toward a short set of stairs.

At the top of the stairs was a long hallway. Around them they could hear the music and the talking and laughing of the other patrons. They stepped through the first door and found themselves in a room. 

Sam turned on the lights and they saw the glass front. He pulled Dean towards him. He could feel his brother’s increased breathing rate and a heat began to build on his skin. Sam kissed him and Dean bit his lip and sucked on his tongue to where Sam thought he might rip it off. He laughed and pulled away just enough to release his mouth and smiled, with a little uncertainty. 

“Is this okay, Dean?”

Dean didn’t answer. He walked into the room and looked out at the main floor. He couldn’t see them but he knew that there were people there looking into these rooms. Looking at them. He turned to Sam and said, “Are you sure?”

Sam walked into the room as he spoke. “This is all for you, Dean. We’ll do as much as you want. “ He took Dean into his arms. He nuzzled his neck, licking and nibbling at his throat. And as Dean let his head fall forward with an audible release of his breath, Sam said, “We’ll do whatever you want.”

Sam released Dean and he turned to face the glass. He placed his palms against it and felt the coolness. He leaned his forehead against it and closed his eyes. His swelling cock was creating a pressure that actually caused Dean to smile as he thought of people watching them. 

Sam stepped behind him and leaned his hips on Dean, covering Dean’s hands with his own on the glass. 

“Whatever you want. If you want to stand here and hold hands, we’ll do that.” Sam reached around to open Dean’s pants and slipped a hand in. “And if you want them to see me play with this beautiful cock until you’re dripping on the glass, we can do that, too. And if you want, we turn the lights off and it’s just you and me” 

Dean felt his knees buckle as Sam stroked him and he listened and he thought of being watched. He could also feel Sam hard and pressing against his ass, even through their clothes. Sam pulled Dean closer by pushing against his dick and Dean’s head fell back against Sam’s shoulder and he groaned out his brother’s name. As he stroked him. Sam could feel Dean begin to leak on his hand, “Tell me, Dean. Tell me what you want them to see.”

Dean’s breathing was shallow and quick. He reached behind Sam and gripped the fabric of his shirt. “Fuck me, Sam. I need you to fuck me.”

.Sam leaned in and whispered softly, “Do you want to sit on my lap so they can watch your perfect ass as you take my cock or do you want me on my knees so they everyone can see your beautiful face when I make you come” 

Sam applied a little more pressure and bit gently on Dean’s shoulder. “Tell me, Dean. Everyone is watching. What do you want them to see?”

Dean turned and grabbed Sam’s face and kissed him. He could feel the wetness in his pants and an ache that forced him to buck his hips into his brother. Sam moaned into Dean’s mouth. His own body responding in kind to Dean’s actions. 

“Oh god, Dean. I need you right now. Let me show them how beautiful you are.”

Dean’s head was spinning. He and Sam were pushing and grinding into each other. They were tugging on each other’s clothing and pulling at each others hair. He thought of having an audience while he and Sam made love to each other.

With all the control he could gather, Dean said, “No. That’s only for us.”

Sam turned out the light. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean would remember the first time he enjoyed being watched  
And Dean would remember the first time he encouraged being watched  
But Dean would also remember when he didn't want others to watch.


	16. come and go  (oh, baby)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART SIX: Come and Go  
> ( Oh Baby )

He was agitated; he was anxious, pacing. “Sam” , he said, “I can’t do this. I can’t stay here.”  
“Dean, please. come back to bed. It’s been a long day.”  
Incredulous, he responded. “ How can you be so calm? She’s all alone out there!.”

Sam was frustrated too. He couldn’t understand his brother’s level of distress. He spoke slowly with a controlled cadence, hoping this might help calm the situation. “Dean, for the last time. You are not going to sleep out there. I promise you we’ll take care of it first thing in the morning.”  
Dean looked disbelieving. 

Sam took a breath and with its release, he let go of, what was not really, anger. He flipped open the covers and looked at his brother. His brow was wrinkled and he squinted his eyes. It was a pained expression. He felt helpless. He offered his hand and said, almost pleading, “Come here”

Dean climbed into bed. “ Sammy, it was awful. She must be so broken.”  
Sam ran his fingers through his brother’s hair, as he held him. “It’s ok Dean. She’ll be all right.”  
Dean snuggles closer and wraps his arms around tighter.  
“First thing, Sam”, he said, almost threatening.

Sam sighed as a small huff of a laugh followed. “Yes, Dean. I promise. We’ll get up with the sun, when we can get a better look at things and we’ll take care of it.” Sam felt an increased tension in his brother. “her”, he said, correcting himself.  
“Oh, my poor baby.” Dean spoke these words as if in pain. Then he suddenly threw off the covers. Sam grabbed him around the waist. “Do I have to hold you down?”  
Dean raised an eyebrow. He let himself be held back and began to press into Sam. “You know, I guess she’ll be ok til morning’  
Sam laughed and pulled Dean closer.

Dean rolled over and gave his brother’s ear a quick tug with his teeth then said, “Sammy, make sure you get all you want now. ‘Cause, there’s no more fooling around in the car, ever.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he fooled around in a car

 

She was just about ready for a break when she saw them walk in and then turn toward her station. Father and sons, she could tell. 

The father was a big man, strapping, broad chested with big hands and a confident step. Behind him, all arms and legs, almost uncontrollable. A marionette, came to mind and she rolled her eyes. ‘Geek’, she thought, with bangs almost covering his eyes and a sweet innocent smile, with dimples.

Now, bringing up the rear was a boy with the face of…. (she took a minute to recall the name of those angel things on Valentine cards )... a cherub. He looked to be her age. He had a rounded face with clear pale skin, sparkling eyes and lashes that seemed to fan the air. And his lips, pouty with a swipe of the tongue every now and then. and a smirk; there was trouble there. And that’s where the comparison ended. 

She felt like Goldilocks. One was too old, one was too young but, one was just right. She made a soft sound, almost like a kitten’s purr and it earned her a poke of a sharp fingernail in her back from her co-worker. 

She turned to her friend. “What? If my parents are gonna make me work here all summer, I might as well have some fun.”  
Laughing, her friend answered, “I can’t wait to read your English essay, ‘what I did on my summer vacation’ I hope you’re keeping count.” They both laughed at that and she made her way to the table. 

The brothers always sat side by side with Dean on the aisle. Their dad was across from his sons. She stood facing John and close enough to the table until her arm brushed Dean. He didn’t move away and neither did she..

She looked into his upturned face and he winked at her. She smiled, doing her best to control herself. This was a game she played but she rarely met a boy with nerves like this. 

She returned with their drinks and let her knee graze his, noticing how he was now seated closer to the edge of the booth. As they ordered, she leaned heavier on him and he touched her leg lightly with his fingers, from under the table. She lowered her eyes as if reading her pad and looked directly into an offer.

She walked away and through the swinging doors after putting in their order. Dean excused himself to use the men’s room. As he followed, he heard the click of the back door. 

He stepped into the sun and saw the waitress seated in the back seat of a car, her feet resting on the frame. Dean walked over; she leaned forward and took his hand. She licked and lightly kissed his fingers then, took his hand and pulled it under her short skirt. 

Dean felt the soft warm flesh. She held tight, expecting him to pull away but instead, he gently squeezed, closing his eyes and taking a big breath. He felt his dick twitch at that first touch of skin. And his tongue peeked out as his fingers explored and his eyes rolled up into his head. 

He slipped his fingers into the wet folds of skin and made small circles and slid his hand back and forth, relishing the warmth and increasing wetness. He placed his other hand on her thigh as he bent over. His breath as well as hers, now slow and deep. 

She took his hand away and put his fingers to his mouth. She spread her juices across his face and watched as he licked his lips.”You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.” 

Dean leaned closer toward her and she put her hands on his shoulders. They kissed softly. She steadied herself on him as she exited the car. Before walking away she kissed him again and said, “That was fun. “

Dean pressed down on the bulge developing in his pants and smiled knowing that there were girls who thought like he did. 

He also realized that he would need to use the men’s room, after all.


	17. Chapter 17

It had only been raining a short time and the roads were developing  
slick spots. Now, these conditions might intimidate a lesser car and driver. However, it was no concern to the combination of an American made 1967 Chevy Impala with Dean Winchester behind the wheel. 

Unfortunately, they were sharing the road with a Mr. Turner and his pick-up truck. He drove over one of those oily slicks and and the jolt of it caused him to overcompensate and he proceeded to cross two lanes of traffic. This put him directly in the path of said 1967 Chevy. 

Again, a lesser driver may have panicked but not our man Dean. However, there were two unforeseen variables in play. First, Dean’s reflexes were slightly compromised due to the actions of Sam’s hand on his crotch. And secondly, there was a lesser driver right behind them. 

By the time it was over, two vehicles were damaged enough for a tow. And after getting everyone the help they needed, the Impala limped away. 

Dean drove slowly with the window open, he wanted to hear every sound. He shushed his brother every time he spoke and appeared as though he ,himself, were on the verge of tears. 

When they reached the motel, even with the outdoor lights, it was too dark to see what shape the car was in. Dean did a walk-around, running his hands along the hot metal and cool glass. He could feel the imperfections, small dents and dings in the body, rocks and road debris, he figured. There was a broken light and he could feel a dent on the hood, the edges of it, sharp enough to scratch his skin.

Sam watched his brother. His touch was personal, almost intimate. Sam felt as if he were watching a private moment, Dean caring for a valued friend. It gave him an insight into how it must have been for them when Sam was younger. How much capacity Dean has to love and care for what’s important to him. 

Sam also noticed Dean favoring his left arm. He approached the car and wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist, he squeezed gently to bring them closer. He kissed the sensitive spot behind Dean’s ear, which always got his full attention. Then he whispered to him and with difficulty, he convinced his brother to leave the car and get some rest. He promised they would check on her first thing in the morning. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about the first time he fooled around on a car 

 

Dean should have been home by now. His father had let him take the Impala and sent him on a solo assignment. (okay, so he met up with a couple of other hunters but he was making his own decisions). Everything had gone smoothly. He was pretty proud of the job he had done.

He wanted to do well and he needed to impress his dad. He wanted to get back home and tell Sam all about it. Maybe his dad would finally give him the car; maybe next time he and Sam could go out on their own . 

He was only a couple of miles from the entrance to the interstate. He was driving a bit more carefully than his emotions were asking of him. He passed a sign which caused him to take a quick look at the dash and decided to gas up. That split second was all it took for the animal to dart in front of the car. 

Dean’s reflexes were quick enough to avoid the collision but, ironically, the passenger side mirror wasn’t agile enough to sidestep the ‘animal crossing’ sign. 

Dean pulled into the service station. He stepped out of the car and gently handled the broken side mirror.  
“Rough morning, son?” Dean looked toward the voice and saw the friendly smile of an older man. He approached Dean as he wiped grease from his hands then offered a handshake.   
The expression on Dean’s face was familiar to the older man. “Your dad’s car, I’m guessing.” He paused, watching Dean shift his weight, nod his head, then shrug his shoulders.  
“I can’t bring her home like this, ” he said. The older man patted Dean on his arm and nodded his head, as well “I was gonna ask if I could take a look…” Dean tilted his head toward the garage.  
The older man smiled and said, “I’ll fill her up while you look. In fact, I think I’ve got an old Riviera , that might work.” The man pointed toward the left side of the lot and tossed Dean a screwdriver.

Dean wandered around among the wrecks and abandoned vehicles. It was almost like a scavenger hunt. He saw cars that he could have got running again and a piece of this one could fix that one. He reined in his thoughts and remembered he was looking for a mirror for his dad’s car. He had damaged the precious Impala. 

He saw the mirror when the sunlight sent a flash right into his eyes. It was still fully attached and looked to be perfect. He approached the car and prepared to remove it. He wiped his hand on the leg of his jeans to help with grip and checked the screwdriver. 

The screws were in securely and that was encouraging. The glass was clean and complete. Dean was happy; this particular car was a perfect fit.   
He planted his feet and got to work. 

Dean heard the footsteps approach from behind him. He stopped his work to look over his shoulder. A young man smiled. He was wearing coveralls, splattered with oil and paint. He said, “That black beauty belong to you?” 

Dean nodded and took in the sight, noticing the way the sun brightened his blonde hair almost golden. His skin was sun kissed, and his eyes were warm and soft, the color of caramel. He smiled back. 

The young man also looked at Dean and appreciated his soft features and powerful build, made more evident by the way his t-shirt clung to his sweat soaked torso. 

Dean didn’t say anything. He ran his eyes along the slim line of the guy’s hips not missing the pull and stretch at the crotch. His eyes roamed upward til his sea green met encouragement.

In the future, Dean wouldn’t remember which of them made the cheesy comment about ‘helping with the screwing’ but, it made them both laugh and that opened the door. 

Dean rutted against the blonde, whose back was against the driver’s side of the Riviera. He reached into the coveralls and took the mechanic’s cock in his hand and stroked up and down. He bit at his throat and his collarbone and dug his nails in as he tightened his grip on the fabric. 

Dean felt it as his balls were fondled in his unbuttoned jeans. It forced a groan from him which released itself into the other man’s skin. Then that hand squeezed gently and moved to his dick. 

The two men matched each other’s rhythm, stroking and pulling, the push and the drag until they were both hard and leaking. Dean rubbed his thumb across the tip as he felt the other man’s fingers squeeze and release as his hand was sliding up and down his hardening cock. And his hips jerked forward as their strokes became uneven and irregular.

He felt as the mechanic began to become unsteady on his feet as he released into his hand, with a loud moan, and he soon felt himself let go with a growl he tried to hold in his throat. 

Dean got home the next day. There was a perfectly beautiful second hand mirror on the passenger side of the car.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam and Dean stepped out into the early morning sun and saw the gleam as it struck the Impala. She was basically in tact. 

She had a dent on the hood which they could only explain came from a flying piece of some other car. There was a missing hubcap, a broken tail light and a dent stretching into a long scratch on the passenger side. The last, making Dean want to cry. 

But, after inspecting the vehicle thoroughly, including the workings of the engine, Dean was satisfied that she could soon be back to normal. 

Sam released a long sigh, relieved that the damage was minimal. He said as much to his brother. 

Dean was standing with his hands on the hood of the car and his head down. It appeared that his anxiety was dissolving. At Sam’s comments, Dean turned to face him. He smiled broadly and walked towards him opening his arms, offering a hug. It was a fierce, happy hug.

“Your arm must be feeling better. ” Sam said as he grimaced at the force of Dean’s arms around him. 

Dean released his hold and instead put Sam’s face in his hands.  
“I never asked you if you were alright.” Dean searched his brother’s face for any marks or signs of distress.

“Dean, that was the first thing you said. But, I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were pretty upset.”

Sam thought about making his remark more of a tease but, he knew that there were times when Dean’s love for his car was not to be played with, especially when she took such good care of them.

“How about we fix her up and make her pretty again?” Sam whispered in Dean’s ear.

Dean nodded. He turned to look at the Impala and said, “Then, the three of us can have a party and we can show her how much we appreciate her.” 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about the first time he fooled around in his car.

 

Sam walked down the steps of the high school and smiled when he saw the big black Chevy. Dean was showing it off to a couple of his classmates. He saw Sam out of the corner of his eye and ended the conversation as he turned and walked toward his brother. 

Dean seemed to be excited about something. His step was more animated, but like he was trying to control his movements. He had that smile on his face that was only for Sam and at that moment, Sam’s vision became riveted to his brother’s face. 

His lips were parted in a big smile exposing a wide expanse of perfectly white teeth. The tip of his tongue peeked between them and the corners of his mouth appeared to lift his rounded cheekbones up to his eyes, creating those little lines, like the rays of the sun on the corners. The sunlight also played with the length and the color of his lashes giving them a sense of sparkle. 

The effect of all this made Sam’s breath quicken and he felt a heat building on his skin. His insides fluttered and he shifted on his feet. Fortunately, at this school, everyone thought Dean was his boyfriend. So, when they approached each other and Dean planted a kiss on Sam’s lips, it wasn’t the disaster it might have been. 

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Dean whispered.  
Sam laughed, a little nervousness slipping out. “I think everyone here can guess the surprise, Dean.”  
Dean wrapped his arm around his brother’s shoulder and they walked back to the car.

As they drove away, Sam asked, “So, what’s this big surprise. Dean ?”  
He had settled in, his left leg folded under him and his shoulder against the seat. He was close enough for his hand to rest on Dean’s thigh.

“We’re celebrating a first.” Dean said. That same perfect smile not yet leaving his face. Sam’s curiosity was piqued; he turned to face the front, returning his foot to the floor. 

They soon pulled off the road and into an abandoned construction site. Dean drove behind one of the buildings and parked the car. He slid across the seat and straddled his brother, taking his face in his hands and kissing him forcefully.

Sam wrapped his arms around his brother’s back and pulled him closer. He opened his mouth and chased Dean’s tongue, drawing it in and pushing it back. This drew a moan from Dean and he pressed his hips firmly into Sam.

Sam pushed back against Dean, practically lifting them both off the seat. “Let’s get in the back.” Sam whispered breathlessly, when they broke for air. Dean opened the door and they nearly fell out. 

They moved from front to back, still kissing and grabbing, fumbling with each other’s clothing even as they took those few steps. 

Dean opened the door and they tumbled in.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

“Dean.” Sam said. He spoke softly, still in the euphoria of this time with his brother. “We gotta get going.”  
Dean snuggled closer into Sam. He began to breathe deeper and slower. Sam attempted to slide himself from under Dean but his brother wrapped his arms tighter. 

“What’s your hurry? We’re making memories here.”  
“That’s sweet Dean.” Sam’s laugh was hearty and rattled his brother. He sat up, putting one leg between Sam’s two, his knee pressing gently into his balls. He sat on Sam’s thigh and placed his hands on Sam’s shoulders as he bent over to kiss him. 

“So why is that so funny?” Dean asked, a look of mock sadness on his face.  
“ It’s just that...well” Sam was smiling on the verge of more laughter. “Do you really want your memory of today to include what Dad’s gonna do to you for keeping the car out this long?”  
“Oh that. There’s nothing to worry about.”  
Sam looked at his brother like he just said their dad was home baking cookies for them.  
“Remember I said I had a surprise for you?”  
Sam was now sitting up with his back against the door. He was already collecting his clothes to dress. “I think that cat’s out of the bag, Dean” 

“First time, Sammy.” Dean said. “You always remember the first time.”

At this remark, Sam stopped his movements. He turned toward his brother and looked into his eyes. The confused expression on his face made Dean smile. 

“We’re free, Sammy. We’ve got a place to go, any time we want.”  
Sam said, “What are you talking about, Dean? 

Dean placed his two hands atop Sam’s shoulders. “Dad gave me the car, today. It’s mine now.” He leaned in and gave Sam a quick peck on the lips, sliding his tongue quickly across his brother’s mouth. 

“This is our first time in my car.” 

Sam dropped his t-shirt and grabbed Dean maneuvering until he was on top and said, “Then let’s make it memorable.” 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean would remember the first time he fooled around in a car.  
And Dean would remember the first time he fooled around on a car.  
But Dean would always remember the first time in HIS car.


	19. cause and effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART SEVEN: Cause and Effect

Sam looked at Dean’s face, that beautiful perfect face, and he laughed at himself disguising it as a cough. He was being taken in just like everybody else that looked at his brother but, that was understandable. The way the light made his eyes shimmer green and gold under feathery light lashes that fanned the air as he blinked. And the effect as he opened his eyes, like curtains on a stage, capturing the audience at the start of the show.  
And he saw Dean smile. His cheekbones lifting, perfectly rounded and causing his eyes to squint, creating the creases, the sun burst pattern on the outer corners. And Sam knew this was his alone, and he let his eyes travel lower to his brother’s lips, opened to expose the white teeth separated by the tip of his tongue. This was his too, this smile, this look of happiness that he believed only he could give to his brother.  
And Sam knew, he alone, was able to have all of Dean, not only what others may see or even imagine.

At the sound of Sam’s short burst of camouflaged laughter, Dean cut his eyes quickly to find his brother had been staring at him. And although Dean enjoyed putting on a show, he wasn’t comfortable with being stared at. Measured, evaluated like they know who he is or what he’s good for. It gave him the feeling of something being taken from him that he wasn’t ready to give. He didn’t own much but he would be in control of giving himself away. And only Sam made it feel good. made it feel like an invitation and not an intrusion. He saw as Sam shifted in his seat as if he were just turning to look out the window. Dean continued to smile as he pulled off to the side of the road. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Dean thought about the first time he caught someone looking at him like that

 

She saw him walk in. He ran his fingers through his short hair as his eyes made a sweep of the room, checking the environment. He is confident for such a young man. It’s sexy, that self assurance. 

She watches him walk towards the counter. He moves with authority yet gracefully and she lets her mind go with that for a minute. It causes her to release a long breath in an attempt to control the heat she feels developing from inside. 

Dean took a seat at the counter and ordered a cup of coffee. He thought about breakfast but Sam and his dad were on their way and they had work to do. 

She watched as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip and flicked it at the corner to catch a drip from his coffee then slid it slowly along the upper, And he closed his eyes like he was enjoying the effect of it as much as she was.  
She closed her own eyes as one hand moved slowly down the skin of her throat until her arm rested on the swell of her breast. It caused her to breathe deeply and exhale with a small sound.  
She wraps her hands around her water glass and the cool touch of it wets her palms and she touches her face.

She imagined, as he lifted the cup to his mouth and held the rim between his lips, that she was holding his face to her chest and his mouth was reaching for her. And she let her arm press firmly against her body and bent her elbow slightly to feel the brush across her nipple. The sensation sent a chill like ice water poured down her spine and it caused a slight shiver. Her eyes shot open and she shifted them left to right afraid someone had seen her.  
Her sight came to rest on him. He seemed unaware of what was happening to her, what he was doing to her. She watched as his eyes scanned the room again and he checked his watch. There was someone on the other end of his sight and she could tell that he was waiting. He must belong to someone but, that only meant ‘look don’t touch’. She was fine with that; that would be enough.

As his thick fingers drummed on the counter, she sees the muscles play on his bare arm, picturing being held and running her hands across his strong shoulders and broad back. He turned to look out the window and the light flashed across his eyes. 

She shifted in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable and she felt a blush at the feeling between her legs. She squeezed one against the other for relief and her stomach muscles clenched as if she were trying to hold something in. .But even from across the room he was drawing it out of her and in her mind she would let him. But she was seated in her local diner having breakfast. which she realized was getting cold from lack of attention. 

She didn’t usually have this kind of time in the morning but, she had gone to bed early. She would have to thank the jerk that cancelled their date last night. Well, actually he was a pretty nice guy but, he sure didn’t look like that. But then, at their age, who does? 

She brought a slice of toast to her mouth and at that moment the movement of his tongue across his lips drew her eye again and she held the toast in her mouth and stared. 

Unconsciously sucking the bread as she continued to stare, she watched him from the corner booth. He has one foot on the floor. Her eyes follow the long line from the perfect curve of his ass and down his muscular leg. He raises the heel of his boot then lifts his leg to hook his shoe onto the rung of the stool. 

There was strength in his movements and she imagines the power of it. She can picture as the muscles flex, pumping with exertion. Those words got stuck in her thoughts and those thoughts got caught in her throat.  
As she reaches for her water glass, she realizes that she has swallowed her toast and lets the water wash it down. 

She still can’t draw her eyes away from him. Like little pillows, she thought, as she was unable to remove her gaze from his mouth. She could barely resist the urge to reach out to touch it. to feel the give, the substance of it. To slip her finger into his mouth and watch as he sucked and puckered his lips, as in a kiss, and to watch that little pink tip of his tongue peek out and swirl around…. she made a sound and he looked her way.


	20. Chapter 20

With the car in park, Sam immediately sat up and faced his brother. He had an almost Christmas morning look on his face and he felt the excitement all the way down to the twitch in his pants. 

Dean looked straight ahead, both hands on the wheel, as if unaware or uninterested. Neither was true and they could both feel it. 

“You know I can’t drive with you looking at me like that.”  
“So?” Sam scooted closer and placed a hand on Dean’s thigh, his fingers barely grazing his brother’s zipper and his thumb hooking around the waistband.

Dean covered Sam’s hand with his own and leaned over to kiss him. It was soft, a future invitation but, Sam’s rsvp was immediate. He gripped Dean’s crotch and squeezed, slipping his thumb further along Dean’s warm skin. 

With his other hand, he held Dean’s jaw and turning his head further towards him, Sam bit Dean’s lower lip, tugging at it as his tongue forcefully entered his brother’s mouth. Dean welcomed it , wrapping his own tongue around to pull it in.

He squeezed Sam’s hand, tilting his hips into the hold and let out a deep sigh that traveled through Sam like life giving breath. But Sam knew from this that Dean was tired. He would never refuse Sam but, Dean had been driving almost all night and he realized that some rest would only make it better.

They switched places and once Sam was settled behind the wheel, Dean got comfortable. Before he turned towards the window, he said, “Sammy….”

“It’s okay Dean. I know you’re tired and I want you at full strength’” That was followed by a big smile and a little bit of color on Dean’s cheeks. Dean felt a surge of something and shifted again. 

“Okay then. You’ve got precious cargo here so, keep your eyes on the road and off this sweet ass.”. With that, Dean crossed his arms and settled in, facing the window.

Sam muttered under his breath. “You’ll be asleep in a minute. You won’t know what I’m doing.”

He heard Dean’s semi-awake “huh?’

Unsure if he had been heard, Sam answered, “I said, I’ll wake you when I find a good place to eat.”

And he turned once more to look at his brother before he pulled back on the road. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dean thought about the first time he realized that he wouldn't always know when someone was looking at him like that.

Dean closed the door quietly behind him and pulled out a cigarette.  
It was too dark for him to see the man sitting in a car, across the motel parking lot, his head leaning on the head rest.

The driver really needed to sleep but he was too tired to even get out of the car. A six hour drive in the heat of day and straight to a meeting which was basically just an excuse for the locals to have a night out of dinner and drinks. He spent his precious time with people who could have been dealt with over the phone.. And tomorrow, he would be on the road again. 

He loosened his tie a little more and blew out a long breath. Maybe a nice hot shower would relax him or maybe he could find some old movie to numb his brain. As physically tired as he was, his thoughts were racing. He really had to occupy his mind with something else if he was going to get any rest.

In the complete silence of the parking lot, he heard the metallic click of a cigarette lighter. He quickly looked around since he thought the lot was empty. He didn’t see anyone near him then turned his head toward the door to his room. Just then, he saw the flame flicker away and disappear when the lighter was snapped shut. It was done with the flick of a wrist.

He watched the smoker walk away from the door next to his and stand under a light. He leaned his shoulder against the wall and crossed his ankles, very Steve McQueen, the man thought, He liked that thought. 

He moved his eye up from the boots and jeans, nicely fitted, he could see that the smoker was lean and muscular, like a dancer. He moved smoothly and was comfortable in his skin.

He was wearing a t shirt, a little stretched as to be loose at the waist and any light breeze would make it ruffle, exposing what he believed would be smooth, taut skin. The man pressed his hand to his crotch as he pictured his hands on that skin.

He squeezed himself through his suit pants and shifted in his seat. He knows he made a sound; he turned his head toward the smoker but he didn’t seem to be aware. 

The man’s eyes were suddenly focused on the cigarette  
He watched the orange glow and it drew his eye along the white paper to the filter and the mouth of the smoker. He drew in a sharp breath; he saw the lips were rounded and plump and he held that cigarette in between his pursed lips and he took a drag and his cheeks hollowed and blew out the smoke as he closed his eyes. And the man felt a wetness beginning in his shorts. He opened his pants and grabbed himself in hopes of protecting his suit. 

He couldn’t take his eyes off the smoker. Now he could see his full face. The overhead lights enough to make out his hair color, a dark blond or light brown. He could see his eyes were light by the reflection but couldn’t distinguish the color. He began to fondle himself as he imagined the possibilities and the thought of looking directly into those eyes while those lips….

He gripped his dick tightly to control himself but, then couldn’t think of why he should have to. He pulled down his pants and began to stroke himself in his shorts. He never took his eyes off the smoker.

He watched as his mouth surrounded and then released the cigarette. How his tongue slid out and left a shimmer as he wet his lips. And he mimicked these movements with his hand as he felt himself getting harder. And as he watched the smoker, his eyes moved again to the waistband of the young man’s jeans. 

The smoker had turned more toward the light so now the front was more visible and he could see that the button was open and the zipper was slightly undone. It was as if he had dressed in a hurry or maybe, was ready to undress.

He slid his other hand into the waistband of his shorts, even as he felt himself shudder and his muscles tighten. He started to stroke with more urgency as he continued to watch the smoker and pictured the young man’s hands on him. He came with short powerful bursts, more intense because he tried to control it.

He sat for a few minutes as he composed himself and used a handkerchief to clean up as best he could.

Dean heard the click of a car door. He saw the door open and a man step out. He knew the car was there when he came out to smoke and wondered what the guy had been doing. He looked unsteady on his feet. Dean snickered to himself, and shook his head at the poor drunk. He had probably fallen asleep or passed out. 

The man walked toward him, Dean smiled, probably wants a cigarette, he thought. He reached into his pocket to get the pack. The man held up a hand and smiled as he shook his head,. He took another step toward Dean but stopped at the room next door. He unlocked the door and he and Dean nodded goodnight to each other. 

Dean rubbed the cigarette against the wall, to extinguish the fire, then tossed it into the corner. , He heard the man’s door lock click and he saw the man step back out.

“Thank you.” he said, with an expression that made Dean feel just a bit unsettled. . Then the two men went into their respective rooms and each had a good night sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

The car had stopped. That in itself, wasn’t enough to pull Dean all the way out of his sleep but there was something else. Sam wasn’t there. It had been a few minutes; it was a thing for him. He always could feel when Sam was gone.

He turned toward the driver’s side and opened his eyes. At first, of course, he saw the seat empty. Unable to do otherwise, in that first split second, he went on alert. Then almost at the same moment, he could see the gas pump and laughed at himself. He shook his head and shrugged. knowing that it would probably always be this way.

Dean was not obsessive about too many things. He didn’t own too many things, although he often felt responsible for everything. He took great care with having his weapons always clean and ready, his brother safe and the car in good condition This was not necessarily the order of importance

He could hear as Sam opened the gas cap and slipped in the nozzle. He had another sudden twinge of alertness. As much as he trusted Sam, the sound of metal on metal grated his nerves, as his instinctive, some may say obsessive, concern for the Impala took hold. 

 

Sam discovered that one of the perks of driving while Dean slept, aside from changing the station on the radio, was watching him stretch when he got out of the car.  
He’s all lean muscle, strong and powerful but, also quick and agile like a cat.

Sam has seen it hundreds of times. And it’s kinda like watching the Rockettes. You know they’re gonna do those high kicks but it amazes you every time.

Dean usually starts by swinging his arms to loosen shoulders that, more often than not, need assurance that they’re in the right place. And if you’re fortunate enough to catch him in just a t-shirt, there’s a bonus to see as the muscles bulge pulling the fabric taut. 

Then he’ll shake out his arms and raise them over his head. He interlocks his fingers, palms facing up to stretch out his back. And the hem of his shirt rides up giving just a glimpse of the smooth, pale skin of his belly. 

Sam can see the guy at the next pump enjoying it as well. That’s understandable. Dean has his arms bent now and he’s twisting slowly left to right. And from behind him, Sam knows the guy can see as the round muscle of each cheek of his ass tightens and relaxes as he turns from side to side. And it feels good to know that looks is all this guy’s gonna get. 

It’s the laughter that catches his attention next. Sam looks up and realizes that the other guy has taken a circuitous route to pay for the gas. Making sure that he and Dean are close enough to feel obligated to acknowledge each other. They say their good mornings and Sam can see that gas guy had that look on his face. It’s the one Sam calls goofy; there’s a silly smile and a hopeful glint in the eye, and it shows up whenever one of Dean’s admirers thinks they see even the slightest possibility that Dean may be interested. Sam has just come to accept it.

In fact, he feels like he’s watching a sad movie where everyone knows the ending except this guy. He slowly shakes his head, a smirk of pity on his face and goes back to what he was doing. 

It’s a minute or two later and Sam realizes they’re still talking.  
He sees the guy has his hand on his brother and there’s that other smile, the one Dean draws out of people. Uncontrollably., maybe a bit possessively, Sam looks at the guy’s crotch, just to make sure things were not getting out of line. 

Just then, Dean excuses himself and approaches Sam. The guy is watching Dean walk away and then Sam sees the subtle movement as the guy shifts his feet and puts a hand in his pocket.

When he gets close enough, although they are very careful in public, Sam reached around and grabbed Dean’s ass while staring the other guy in the face. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Dean thought about the first time he found out that Sam didn't like it either when someone looked at him like that

 

Sam looked around for the waitress to get a refill on his coke. That’s when he saw him. The guy was seated two tables away and he seemed to be staring. Sam pays closer attention anticipating there might be a problem. He thinks he might be trouble until he notices how he shifts in his seat. Sam turns away but keeps watching from the corner of his eyes;

He follows the guy’s sight; he doesn’t seem to be aware of Sam at all and he realizes the guy is focusing on watching his brother eat. Dean’s tongue is sliding unbelievably slowly across his upper lip then it flicks at a drop of something at the corner of his mouth. 

He closes his eyes as he takes a big bite making a sound that seems inappropriate only because of the other man’s reaction. Sam sees the guy slip his hand under the table and into his lap. 

Juices from the burger dripped down onto Dean’s hand like a shimmering tear. He raised that hand and brought it to his mouth. Starting at the base of his palm, his mouth still full, Dean drags his hand down along his bottom lip. It feels like slow motion as the skin of his hand pulls at his lip until it is the wet inside lining that catches the juices. And then just as slowly, as the hand is removed, that full fleshy lip appears to bounce back into place. 

When he got to his fingers, he opened his mouth just enough with every intention of licking them clean. Sam wrenched Dean’s hand away from his face, so quickly and forcefully, that Dean almost dropped his food at the suddenness of it. 

Before Dean could even speak the words that matched the look on his face, Sam shoved a napkin into his hand and said, “Come on, Dean.” He spoke in a tone that would make anyone listening believe that Dean was about to smack someone’s grandmother.

“What the fuck, can’t a guy enjoy his food?” Dean was just as outraged and working very hard to control himself. He had dropped his burger onto the plate and was squeezing the napkin until it was all but useless.

Between clenched teeth, his jaw muscles twitching from the tension, Sam said, “Does everyone else have to enjoy it with you?”

Not understanding Sam’s distress, other than possibly his sloppy eating habits. (But even that made little sense since Dean had always eaten with abandon.) Dean let out a laugh. “Nobody’s interested in watching me eat, dude.” And he held out his hands, dropping the napkin on the table which drew Sam’s eye. 

Taking a cue from Sam’s distraction .Dean continued, “Unless…”  
Sam looked back at his brother who was wiggling his eyebrows with a smirk on his face. 

But Sam was not in the mood for teasing. He finds that he’s actually a little bit pissed. He hates that Dean thinks no one pays attention to him unless he wants them to. How could Dean not understand that people staring at him was just a fact. It was like closing your eyes when you sneeze; it just happens. And it’s not under anyone’s control how they will react. But Sam was determined to control what he could. 

“Oh yeah, Dean? See that guy?” At this point, Dean could hear the irritation in his brother’s voice and he realised that Sam was no longer enjoying the joke.. Sam tilted his head toward the next table. But he was beginning to calm down having realized that his brother wasn’t really in control of things either. And regardless of how many people looked, he was the only one allowed to touch. 

He took a big breath in and out to slow down his speech and allow him to control himself. He said, with a small smile on his face, “You take one more bite and that guy is gonna come in his pants right there in that chair.”

In the midst of swallowing his food, Dean almost choked. But it wasn’t from what Sam said, it was from the unexpected feeling of Sam’s knee pressing heavily into his crotch under the table and Sam saying , :He wants to look, then let him look at this”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean would remember the first time he learned that people would stare at him like that.  
And Dean would remember the first time he learned that he wouldn't always know when it happened.  
But mostly Dean would always remember how good it felt the first time he discovered that Sam didn't like it either.


	22. lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART EIGHT: Lost and Found

Dean has never thought of himself as a selfish person. In fact, he was selfless, always second, always giving for someone else. Risking his life for strangers to save them or, at least, to try. It was his job; he had value. There was nothing for him but to be the hero, that’s his place.

But tonight had nothing to do with any of that. He was working, ‘saving people, hunting things’, but he was working alone. Maybe, in that way, he was being selfish.

He ever only really wanted one thing, wished for it, hoped for it and did all in his power, at the expense of anything. (if truth be told, at the risk of everything) to ensure it. His brother safe and sound.

That’s how he ended up in this place covered in who knows what. 

Dean checked his watch. He had done his job. The thing was dead and Sam had done his part but, where was he? He couldn’t call him; there was no signal here. If something was wrong, how would they find each other? 

He started to walk; he thought he knew where he was and looked around for a familiar landmark; but chasing 'crazy' around in circles, in a place that looked the same in all directions, left him disoriented. And with his phone out of commission, he couldn’t even find his location as a starting point.

He checked the skies; what he could see through the trees was overcast and the stars were blurry, making it difficult to find his bearings . He sat on a rock and decided to wait a while for the clouds to pass. 

He felt like he was stuck in the middle of nowhere. With the mist, the thick trees and a moonless night; add one monster and the only thing missing is the gypsy camp. Can you say ‘gypsy’ anymore, he wondered. Probably not and Sam would know and then rip him a new one even if he did just save the world, again. 

Dean hated night creatures, damn forest dwelling freaks, fucking monsters. “Welcome to my nightmare”. He laughed as he shook his head. 

The air was damp and Dean flips up his collar. He hadn’t been affected until now by the chill in the air. But now that the fight was over, his adrenaline was waning plus, whatever this slop was all over his clothing was turning into…. jello? .  
He rubs his hands together then brings them up to his face to warm them with a hot breath.

He looked up again at the clouds in the sky. “Shit.” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he felt lost.

 

Dean’s dad carries him from Sammy’s room and puts him to bed but he can’t sleep until his mom kisses him goodnight.  
She walks into the room and he can smell flowers. He doesn’t understand how that happens but that smell means mommy is here. He sits up and even in the small shaft of light from the hallway, he can see her smile. He can see her smiling. He can see the way the light frames her hair and it looks like the light is coming from her. That’s how it looks to him and that’s what he believes. 

She tucks in the covers and sits by him ; he feels safe and warm. He thinks of his new baby brother and asks his mom if he is in bed safe and warm too. She smiles bigger and she looks prettier. She tells him she loves him so much and she knows that Sam will always be safe as long as his big brother is around. Love does that, she tells him. 

Then she leans over to kiss him good night. Even though she has pushed her long blonde hair behind her ears, a few strands fall loose and tickle his face. He giggles and closes his eyes as her lips press softly to his forehead. And somehow, although he doesn’t understand it, he feels a warmth that travels through him and settles in his belly. It is comforting. it is safety; it is real.

He settles in, wrapped in his blankets and feels the mattress move as his mom stands up to leave the room. Before she goes, he says. ‘mommy? ‘ His voice is tiny almost as if he were afraid of something. as if she wouldn’t answer. “Yes, baby.” she says and even that, just hearing that, settles him., “I love you, mom.” “I love you too, my angel” Then she whispered to him to go to sleep. He rolls over and pulls the covers up to his chin and closes his eyes. 

He’s suddenly tossing and turning. He’s afraid. It’s a bad dream; he calls out. It awakens him. He realizes now, it’s not a dream. He can hear the shouting, his dad. It’s loud and scary and he’s calling mommy; daddy’s screaming her name. Dean wants to cry but, he doesn’t. He thinks of Sammy. He jumps out of bed and there is his dad, in the hallway, with Sam in his arms. 

He can see the fire and his father gives him Sam to take out of the house.  
“Go, Dean, now”, he tells him, don’t look back.  
Dean takes his brother in his arms, holding him tight. He runs as fast as he can into the cool night air. The chill of it making him press Sam to his chest to keep him warm, to protect him. 

Soon his dad runs out onto the lawn and scoops them both up and carries them away from the fire. Dean’s eyes are large as he watches their home burn. He looks to his dad, who now has Sam in his arms 

But where is his mother? How does a little boy have no mother?


	23. Chapter 23

Dean noticed that the clouds were drifting as the cold and dampness started to seep in through his skin, annoying all his bones and sore muscles. He had to start moving. 

Dean stood up ignoring the protest from his bruised ribs. He took a few seconds to get himself comfortable enough to start walking. He believed the sky was a bit clearer and reached into his jacket for his flashlight. Until now, the air was so thick and the trees so dense, the beam only bounced back at him. 

He was able to see a short distance with the light so, Dean slowly found a path through the trees into a space where the overhead covering branches were thinner. He searched his inside jacket pocket for the small flare.

It was a thin pen-shaped flare and when he had originally found them, it piqued his gadget loving interest and he had to add them to his repertoire. And he didn’t care what the ads called them he would only use the name ‘flare pens’. Because the phrase ‘shooting off a pocket rocket’ disturbed his sensibilities. 

He shot the flare and waited….. and waited. He discovered that he had only the one flare. Maybe it was still too cloudy. That was stupid , Dean thought to himself. He could see clearly that the flare had passed the tops of the trees and lit up the sky

Dean has no idea how far he is from the road. But he knows that in this isolated place, he can still hear his baby’s engine even before he could hear the horn, the signal they had agreed on. And he knows that sound will guide him.

Sam wasn’t happy about it but Dean knew it was best to tackle this alone. Sam was too susceptible; they had learned that the hard way, the Winchester way. He wouldn’t take any more chances. 

Dean never asked for much. although he seemed a glutton for food, a whore for sex and a magnet for danger. But he had lost so much and no one understood that, when he could, he needed to grab onto what was there for the taking, hold on to it and use it for as long as he could. Because he knew nothing was his to keep and the future was never a guarantee.

But he did hold on to one thing, Sam’s safety. And this creature had an ability to touch the kindness and compassion that made Sam who he is. It made Sam hesitate, it put him in danger. So, Dean would tackle it on his own. 

Before they realized this, Sam had almost gotten killed. But, Dean didn’t have any hesitation especially when the threat was to Sam. He left him in the car and tracked this soon to be dead thing out here.

He was determined. He had almost lost his brother 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he felt lost and alone

Dean sat in the car. He loved this car and he believed it was all he had now. He felt his dad didn’t really need him; he could always train another soldier. And now Sam was gone.

He kept his two hands on the steering wheel and turned his head toward the passenger seat. As he let out a long breath, he felt his eyes fall closed. He believed that breath was pushing everything out of him. And finally, it all came out, in a sob. 

It was a monster of a fight. Sam was screaming; their dad was screaming and Dean was trying his best to keep them from killing each other. And at the same time, he was trying to breathe, having just heard that Sam was leaving. 

College….Stanford...California, he couldn’t be saying that. How did that happen? When did he…? He couldn’t leave them. Sam couldn’t leave him.

Or was this is just another slap in the face. Why does Dean even think he deserves anything better? How could someone like him think that the world would let him have what he wants? 

His job was to take care of Sam and he did that. He raised him, practically by himself, to be good and smart and he deserved a real chance. He didn’t deserve to be burdened with this kind of life. A sick perverted relationship that no one would understand. And it had to be his fault; he was the oldest. He couldn’t ruin his little brother’s life. Dean had no choice but to let him go.

He had been big, bad, big brother. It was okay, he said. He didn’t really care. Do what you want. Go live normal if that's what you want to do. It’s not for me, he said. Desert us, leave us to fight all alone. Be selfish. 

Whatever it took to get him to leave. 

He watched as the buses pulled in and out of the depot. He hadn’t taken Sam to the bus but he did follow him. He looked at the time, ten minutes. He believed he still had ten minutes. He could get out of the car. He could run into the station and board the bus, beg him to stay, tell him how much he needs him, he loves him. 

But big bad doesn’t do that. He doesn't do chick-flick. He just brushes it off. Besides, if Sam wanted to be with him, he wouldn’t need Dean to talk him into it . He tries to convince himself that all this is making sense.

He had no idea how long he sat there watching the buses. He never knew which one carried his brother away. He only knew that his breath was shallow as he inhaled, as if caught in his throat. And it escaped, on its own, with a deep sigh. And he knew that with each breath, his life became less and less valuable.

They hadn’t even said good-bye. He knew that Sam was on his way to a new life. One that would be far removed from how they lived now. One that Dean felt he deserved, that couldn’t include him. 

He rested his head on his hands and cried.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean had begun to worry. Perhaps he shouldn't have left Sam alone but he couldn't let that thing run loose another day. He thought about the bruises especially the bloody cut to his brother’s head. A gash that took a couple of butterfly stitches to control. But might need more attention later,

His eyes were clear and he said he was alright but, Sam was just as stubborn as he was to get the job done. And he knows that Dean would never leave if he needed him. And even though, he was sure Sam would be okay, he couldn’t help but think that it may have been more serious.

He looked again to the skies and it seemed a lot clearer. He would use the stars. He remembered that before he stepped out of the car, Sam brought Dean’s attention to the stars. Without the moonlight, they looked brighter, he said. Dean found the ‘big dipper’ and Sam pointed out the North star. Remarking how it was almost like it was traveling down the road with them. Dean looked and decided to file that away, just in case. At that moment, it wasn’t more than that.

When he could see that the trees were thinning, he realized that he was approaching the perimeter. Now he just needed to find the car. He had a thought and he hit his forehead with his palm. A gun was useless against this monster but that didn't mean he didn't carry one. 

He reached into his boot having only brought his small ankle gun, not to feel naked, he had told Sam. It wasn't very powerful but it was loud enough. He shot the gun three times, quickly, in succession. This was clearly a signal to anyone who heard it. 

He waited as the echo died away and he became surrounded again by complete silence. He continued to walk toward the road. Suddenly, he heard it. The rumble. No one else would even recognize it for what it was. It was that far away. He decided to make sure so, he shot once more into the air. And then he heard the faint sound of a car horn. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Dean thought about the first time he found he was where he truly belonged

They had been back together and working for several months. Terrible things had happened to them. They had only each other but, they had never rekindled the relationship they once had. 

Dean would not be the one. He still felt guilty about leading his little brother down that road. He would have to be satisfied just having Sam with him. 

By some miracle, today was quiet. They had taken a drive with a cooler full of beer and pulled off the road to enjoy the sun. 

Dean grabbed a couple of bottles and walked away from the car. He looked back over his shoulder and invited his brother to join him, with a tilt of his head. Sam smiled. They sat side by side and Dean stretched his legs out. 

Immediately, Sam straddled his brother, using his long legs to keep him in place. He pressed his huge palms to Dean’s chest, wrapping his fingers over his shoulders, as he leaned in close enough for a kiss, he said, “What do I have to do?”

Sam had a grip on Dean that made it difficult to move. He wasn’t being forceful just a little insistent or maybe desperate. 

Dean looked wide eyed at his brother and opened his mouth but didn’t speak. Instinctively, he pulled his head back. His breathing became slower and deeper and he lowered his eyes without turning away. . 

The heavy feeling of Sam’s hands and the light dance of his fingers on Dean’s skin, caused a slight shiver as if he were trying to control his movements . He quickly looked at Sam then closed his eyes and his tongue darted out and was drawn back in, just as quickly and he pressed his lips together. 

Sam leaned heavily onto Dean’s legs and slid his hands along Dean’s throat until he cradled his jaw. He ran a thumb across his brother’s lips. Dean opened his mouth just enough to allow the finger in and he let his tongue lick and he drew it in with his lips.

Sam smiled, eased his thumb out and kissed Dean. Sam kissed him gently and said, ”I’ve missed you.”

But the force of resistance created by Sam’s weight, allowed Dean only enough room to squirm in an attempt to increase physical contact. All he could do was wrap his arms around his brother, alternately gripping his shirt in his fists and pulling the fabric in a frantic attempt to remove it. Until he finally reached underneath and it felt almost like an electrical shock as his hands touched Sam’s skin. 

Sam smiled like a predator with his catch in sight, as he listened to the little noises and the gasps of air. And he saw the sheen of sweat and the blown pupils. They continued to kiss, Sam relishing the taste and feel of his brother’s mouth. And at the same time, he rocked his hips encouraging them both. He enjoyed the feeling of Dean’s hands on him. It had been a long time and he knew that neither of them could hold out for long, but Sam wasn’t done yet. 

It was as if they had never been apart. Sam knew every taste and remembered every fold of skin, every scar, every freckle. He licked and sucked at the sensitive spots behind Dean’s ear and on his neck and watched the slight shiver it caused and the sound of his brother losing control.

He slipped his hands under his brother’s t-shirt and slid his fingers along the firm muscles of Dean’s chest and simultaneously rubbed both nipples with the tips of his fingers. Dean reached up and grabbed Sam’s long hair pulling until he was forced to release Dean’s throat.. And Dean arched his back and his breath was released in a moan that traveled directly to Sam’s cock. 

Sam sat back on his heels and he could see the rise of Dean’s denim trapped dick and felt himself responding. Sam lowered his brother’s zipper and felt Dean’s swollen cock pushing its way out. 

He pulled at the waistband of Dean’s shorts and ghosted his fingers on the sensitive skin below his belly and let one finger press on the wet tip. Dean moaned; it was deep and rumbling and Sam felt his own dick respond. 

Dean fell back, resting on his elbows. His breath was short and choppy. It caused Dean to gasp and he spoke, his words released alternately with short quick breaths, “Sammy,,,what...”

Sam spread his legs and leaned his hips heavily on Dean. He could feel an ache in response to the pressure. He was rubbing himself against his brother’s growing erection.

He placed his hands on the ground on either side of Dean and lowered himself until their lips were just a breath apart. 

“Please, Dean..Don’t think any more, just be with me.” 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean remembered the first time he felt lost  
And Dean would remember how it was to feel lost and alone  
But Dean also knew how good it felt to know where he belonged


	25. work and play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART NINE: Work and Play

Dean was driving. Sam wasn’t talking. So, Dean continued to drive.

He took a quick sideways glance at his younger brother. Sam wasn’t looking at the scenery. He wasn’t sitting back with his eyes closed. He wasn’t doing much of anything except, Dean figured, brooding. Well, he’d take care of that.

“Sam, what’s wrong?” It would be a full minute before he got an answer and Dean was just about to ask again.  
“Nothing.” The answer was clipped and he sounded almost annoyed. Except that Dean knows that it was anxiety. His brother was upset about something.

“Come on, dude. There’s always something wrong.”  
No answer.  
“What? Not enough foam in your latte? Too much starch in your shorts?”  
This made Sam laugh in spite of himself. He shook his head. “No, Dean. It’s….nothing.” The volume of his voice lowered until the final word was almost inaudible. Dean wasn’t so easily dissuaded.

“I could find a station with that emo crap you like to listen to. Will that help?”  
Sam blew out a big breath, realizing that Dean wasn’t letting it go and also realizing how much he appreciated it.. A few more minutes passed.

“Dean, can I ask you something?”  
“Wow, that was close, dude. I had my hand on the radio dial.”

“Seriously,Dean, did you ever think about..” Sam took a long pause, “forget it.”  
‘Oh no you don’t’, Dean mumbled as he carefully pulled the car over to the side of the road. He was well aware that any time his brother made a remark like that, the subject was something Sam had been thinking about, a lot.

Neither brother spoke and after putting the car in park, Dean returned his two hands to the wheel and gripped it tightly to stop his nervous movements. Sam is facing forward, his head down, with his hands clasped loosely between his knees. 

Sam feels Dean nudge at his leg and turns to face his brother, finding him with his back against the door and his arms folded across his chest. Sam gave him a half hearted smile. In response, Dean opened his arms and motioned for Sam to come to him. Sam’s smile got a little more sincere. 

“Come on, Dean. I’m not a kid.”  
“I don’t plan on treatin’ you like one.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows and patted his thighs.

Now Sam smiles for real and scrambles across the Impala’s front seat. It’s a bit cramped but, with one foot on the floor and the seat as far back as it will go, a little more maneuvering, it kinda works. Sam has his back against Dean’s chest and their fingers intertwined, Dean’s arms are wrapped around his brother.

Dean laughs. “Remember when you were little?”  
Thinking he’s about to relive a childhood memory, Sam answers, expectantly, “yeah?”  
“That’s all. Remember when you were little” Dean shifts in the seat.  
Sam gives his brother a playful poke with his elbow and Dean tightens his hold. Sam lets his head fall back against Dean’s shoulder.

Several minutes pass and Dean knew that if he just waited it out and didn’t push, Sam would come around. He turned his head until his lips touched Sam’s temple and he kissed him. He let himself rest there.

“Dean?” Sam waited until he heard his brother acknowledge him before continuing.. “Did you ever want to be somebody else?”

“What, like, not a hunter?”

“No…..,not something else, someone else, just get out of your own skin, Do something that’s not like you. Does that make any sense at all? You got any idea what I mean?”

Dean felt a smile start to grow on his face as his thoughts drifted. He believed he knew exactly what his brother was talking about

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he stepped out of his own skin

He was nineteen when they met. Her name was Rhonda. She liked sex and Dean liked her. They were alone in her parents’ house and she said she had a surprise for him. His imagination exploded as he thought of what that girl was willing to do,  
He also thought about some of the things he had done with her, things no one would believe, even if he ever intended to tell..

She left him alone in her room to get them something to drink. She said it might be a few minutes.

xxxxxxxxxx

Dean felt the fabric in his hands. It was familiar but only in a ‘slipping his fingers between it and soft skin to remove it from a willing body’ kind of way.  
It was soft, softer than anything he knew. It didn’t feel at all rough or coarse, not anything close to worn flannel or cotton. And it was warm and he let it slide through his fingers, He closed his eyes and without thoughts he began to breathe deeper and he felt a tingling starting in his fingers and gripping him all over.  
It was sensual. It was sexy and she wanted him to wear it. 

He brought the panties to his mouth and let the satiny fabric glide across his lips and he felt a heat through the cloth against his fingers.  
His hot breath came out in a deep sigh creating a damp spot. He absently rubs his fingers on that spot and it takes his mind to a place that deepens his breathing, and he closes his eyes.  
He grips the panties tightly in his hand and presses it against his crotch, feeling his dick respond. He was getting hard and she wanted him to do this.  
.  
Dean undressed down to his t shirt and slid the panties up his thighs, gooseflesh chasing his fingers as they lightly drew the pink satin up.  
His dick was demanding attention. It was becoming wet and hard. He squeezed it as he adjusted himself to fit into the confines of the undergarment. The fit was snug but not uncomfortable since it provided a sweet pressure to his dick and cradled his balls.

He put them on and likes the feeling, almost like a body pressed up against his skin. He can’t help but grab himself and he moans unable to control it.  
The moan elicits a small knock at the bedroom door. “Dean?”, she says as she walks in. He’s sitting on her bed with one hand between his legs and the other on the bed behind him, for support. His head has fallen back and he lifts it slowly as he looks at her. His eyes are hooded and dark. He’s holding his bottom lip between his teeth and she can hear him breathing, She is smiling and he is now rubbing the pink fabric, opening his legs wider and she watches his erection force itself against the pink panties as he removes his hand and leans back and she can see that he likes it..


	26. Chapter 26

Dean heard a small contented sound escape from him, almost like a hum. He could feel Sam shifting within his arms and he realized that his brother had stopped talking. Dean attempted to tighten his hold.

“Sammy?”

Sam relaxed in his brother’s arms. He returned his head to rest against Dean’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “Sorry, De, just feeling sorry for myself, I’ll be alright,”

Dean wasn’t convinced. This release was a real letting go. And Sam had called him ‘De’, a leftover from their childhood when Sam had been unable to pronounce his big brother’s name properly but, was still determined to say it. Sam wasn’t one to give up. He held on a little tighter and pulled his brother to him. Almost in a whisper he asked Sam again what was bothering him. 

Sam blew out a long breath and shifted himself to wrap one arm around Dean’s waist and nestle his head in the crook of his big brother’s neck. It was terribly uncomfortable, for both of them, in that small space but, at the same time it felt comforting and safe. And Sam knew that he could tell Dean anything. 

Sam placed a small kiss to Dean’s collarbone. “It’s okay, Dean. I guess I’m just tired.”

They were both tired. They had been working almost nonstop for almost two weeks, catching a little rest whenever they could. And although they were both well- trained with an amazing ability to focus on the work, eventually, they did need a break. 

Dean suggested they find a place for the night. It had been an especially brutal and trying case that had apparently been tougher on Sam. Probably, Dean believed , because Sam was more human. He decided maybe a good meal and some rest would help get to the bottom of all this .But he wasn’t ready to let go of it just yet. They settled into their seats and Dean eased the Impala back onto the road. 

“Tell me what you meant.” Dean said in easy conversation. “about not being yourself.”

Sam didn’t answer so, Dean kept talking. He wasn’t very comfortable encouraging this but, he also knew that Sam hated to burden him with his own heavy emotional stuff and wouldn’t volunteer it, easily. So, Dean decided to help him. 

“Come on Agent Page, Detective Bachman, Father Simmons, or... were you Father Frehley..no matter. I’m just saying we’re always being somebody else.”

Sam huffed out a small laugh and shook his head. After a few seconds, he said ‘yeah’ in that way that tells the other person you heard them but that maybe it’s not the same conversation.

“But, that’s work. It’s necessary to get the job done.”

“Well, it usually does get us what we want..” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he decided not to be himself

 

He was in the mood for a man. He was missing Sam, more than usual. Not that he was looking for a substitute. That’s not what he was thinking at all. 

He walked in and looked around. He made a point to avoid eye contact. He ran his hands through his hair and looked down, licking his lips. He appeared anything but confident. He walked over to the bar, taking a seat and leaning his forearms on the edge, nervously tapping his fingers lightly on the wooden top. He made sure to leave more than enough room between himself and the other patrons. 

He looked up and raised one hand to attract the bartender and licked his lips. A half smile appeared on his face and he ordered a beer..

The bartender gave him that look. Dean knew that look. And ordinarily, he would be giving this same look to the bartender. 

But he didn’t want rough, or quick, or forceful, not tonight. He wanted to enjoy the feeling, he wanted to be asked, nicely. He wanted a little pampering, to be treated like a gift.. But he would be with a stranger. Two men who would hook up then walk away. He was okay with that, really, but until he walked away he needed to feel a little bit more.

He noticed a man at the end of the bar look his way. He smiled at Dean who quickly lowered his eyes. His own smile was internal.

Dean reached in his pocket to pay for his beer and the bartender motioned with his head toward the man. The other guy was a little bit older. He had short dark hair and a look in his eye that made Dean feel comfortable.’Let the games begin’, he thought to himself.

Dean acknowledged the drink with a smile that was meant to be almost an invitation. He let the tip of his tongue peek out between his teeth. The corners of his lips drawing the eye to his rounded cheekbones. and then Dean closed the trap. He let his green eyes stare just a split second too long before he looked away. The man walked over.

“I don’t usually do this kind of thing.” Dean said. 

He said he was from out of town. And he felt that maybe this was what he wanted.. The man was sympathetic and understanding. He could make him feel good. He would take care of Dean, even if it was just for tonight. Dean liked the sound of that and the tender touch of the man’s hand on his arm. 

The man reached over and rested his hand lightly on Dean’s thigh. He looked up as if asking permission. Dean gave him a small smile and pressed his hand onto his leg.

xxxxxxxxxx

They were in Dean’s motel room. He wanted to appear a little unsure but, he wasn’t stupid. Regardless of who would appear to be in charge here, Dean would always be in control. 

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The man held Dean’s face in his hands and lightly brushed his thumb across his lips . He told Dean he was beautiful as he caressed his face. Dean let go of all his tension and for the next couple of hours, they each got what they wanted.


	27. Chapter 27

They stopped to eat and Sam managed to turn the conversation back to work. Dean was okay with that; they did have things to talk about. And he knew, all too well, how difficult it could be when you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. 

He was only concerned because Sam was always able to draw Dean’s feelings out of him and Sam never had trouble expressing himself.

It wasn’t long before the conversation became their usual playful banter, including Sam’s teasing of Dean’s eating habits. 

After the meal, and seemingly in better spirits, Sam and Dean walk back to the car, pretty much ready to call it a day. Somehow, being back in the Impala, with his brother, put Sam’s head back in that place. It wasn’t a bad thing. To Sam, he was in the safest place he knew. 

He let out a big sigh. “Sometimes, it’s just what we do, how we live…”  
“But, Sam..”  
“Not just that. It’s who we are. Sometimes, I just don’t want to be us.”

Dean waited for his brother to continue. ‘Not be us’, he tried to translate that into anything but the obvious. If Sam didn’t mean hunting, what other ‘us’ was there? 

Dean tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He pressed his lips tightly together, closing his eyes. He felt a tension throughout his whole body. He sat like that until he was forced to let out his breath, which he released slowly enough to help him regain control. 

Softly he said, “Sammy..I want you to look at me...please.” They each shifted around until they were facing each other. Dean looked at his brother’s face. He saw a sadness in his wrinkled brow and down turned mouth. And his eyes….Dean swore he felt his heart stop.

He moved closer but. not close enough to touch. “What do you mean...not us? What are you saying, Sammy ?”

Sam could see, in his brother’s face, that his comments had affected Dean. He looked worried. Sam reached out and cupped Dean’s face. His grip was strong like he was holding them together. He suddenly realized how Dean could have misinterpreted what he was saying and he worked quickly to reassure him. He drew him in for a kiss.

He smiled, almost. “No, I didn’t mean us, you and me. You’re the best thing in my life, Dean. Please don’t ever doubt that. I guess I’m just... I don’t mean a break from you, just from us .I don’t know what I’m saying. Can we let it go, for tonight.?”

Dean kissed his brother again, softly and smiled. He ruffled his brother’s hair and moved back behind the steering wheel. 

“How ‘bout we stop for a drink before we turn in?” Dean asked.

“I’m not really good company, Dean.” Sam sounded almost apologetic.

Dean was determined and gave his brother a sweet sincere smile. “Well, I don’t want anyone else’s company. “ After a few seconds, he opened his arms wide, raised his eyebrows and added. “Besides, are you gonna leave this sweet package out there, unprotected?”

Sam didn’t think he had a laugh that big left in him. But it burst out and he threw his head back. And somehow, all that unease and confusion left with it. “Okay, you win.” 

They found a motel with a bar just a double parking lot away. Dean suggested they check in first and dropped Sam off saying he’d take care of it, and would meet him inside.

As he watched his brother walk away, Dean says, “Let’s play, Sammy”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean was excited about the first time he and Sam would play the game

 

Sam watched Dean walk in, so did a few others. Their eyes met, for a moment, and Sam smiled. Just as he began to raise a hand , he saw Dean turn and walk away from him. They saw each other, Sam was sure; he was also sure that Dean would never ignore him like that. Not without a very good reason. Sam took a focused look around the room. There must be something that caught Dean’s eye.

Dean walked in and immediately saw Sam at the bar. Their eyes met and he saw Sam smile. He felt it warm him and he worked hard to control himself not to smile back. He had special plans for this evening. He turned and walked to a table near the corner. He wasn’t obvious but he watched Sam. They knew each other well enough that he was confident Sam would follow his lead even if he didn’t know where it was going. 

Dean orders a drink and sends one to Sam. This helps relax him, figuring that Dean is sending a signal to let him know everything is ok but, he’s keeping his distance. 

He takes a minute before turning to acknowledge it and when he does, he finds Dean at the pool table. Sam decides that Dean is going to hustle and needs him to lay back til later. Sam grabs his beer; he decides to watch for a while and sits with his back against the bar. 

Sam notices that Dean keeps looking too. It makes him a little leery. He’s at the table alone almost like he’s waiting for someone. He watches another man approach and Dean send him away. Sam decides there must be a specific mark he’s waiting for and takes another look around the room. 

He turns back to the bar and in a few minutes, a server taps him on the shoulder and hands him a napkin, making a small motion with her head towards the pool table. Now Sam feels even more confused. How can they pull a hustle if people know they are together?

Sam decides to look at the note in his hand. It reads ‘wanna play?’.

Sam feels himself react to that and looks towards his brother.  
He finds that Dean is watching him. He’s got that look in his eyes. It’s almost like he’s looking into him. Even from across the room, he feels drawn to walk over. Dean licks his lips and lets his mouth stay open, just a little. It’s just enough. He lowers his head and slides his tongue around the opening of the beer bottle and wraps his lips around the tip of the neck before he lifts the bottle to take a drink. And Sam walks away from the bar. 

As Sam approaches, Dean offers his hand “Name’s Alex”, he says.   
He doesn’t quite know what his brother is up to but, Sam does know enough to follow along. He thinks a minute and smiles as he says, “Eddie”

Dean smiles back, his tongue slides slowly out then in, wetting his lower lip and drawing Sam’s eyes down to look, pulling a strong breath from his mouth. Dean presses his teeth into the plump flesh of that lip and scrapes them across the skin then releases it a darkened and puffy red, pleased that his brother got the reference and was playing along. He squeezes Sam’s hand a little tighter and strokes smoothly with his thumb and Sam feels it all the way to his dick. 

‘So Eddie, you any good?’ The gritty sound of Dean’s voice and the look in his eyes sends a shiver down his brother’s spine. And the clever remark he was planning to make dissipates into a small nervous laugh.

As they played pool, they drank and laughed and teased each other. Sam was enjoying himself but he was cautious, as if, unaware of Dean’s intentions and unsure where this was leading. Dean enjoyed the shyness his brother was showing him and the game went as slowly as it felt right.

They played, touching and teasing. A brush of his hand, a casual drape of an arm across his shoulder and a couple of ‘accidental’ bumps with his hip.   
Dean wasn’t shy in his feelings for Sam, especially in places like this, where no one was watching. And Sam never knew his brother to play these games. So, all these subtle, playful actions were keeping Sam a little off balanced. And he liked it.

It was exciting. Like something new, maybe even a bit dangerous, like a stranger. It made him breathe deeper. He felt the saliva collecting in his mouth so, he closes his eyes and swallows thickly.

When he opens them again, Dean is right there. His eyes are dark and smoldering. That’s the word that Sam thinks of, hot and bubbling under the surface and it’s aimed at him. Sam has looked into those eyes innumerable times but, somehow, this time. it feels new and Sam’s reaction was enough to make his cock twitch.

He lowers his eyes in an act of shyness that also brought a touch of color to his cheeks. His sight was now drawn to follow Dean’s hand as it unwrapped from his belt sliding across his jeans to lightly graze the obvious bulge, then dig deep into his pocket, sending Sam’s thoughts completely out of his upstairs brain by way of a deep vocal sigh. 

Sam closed his hands into tight fists, digging his nails in to take his mind away from the immediate thought of grabbing his brother and laying him out right here on the pool table. 

Finally, Dean leans in, placing his lips close to Sam’s ear, not quite touching, and whispers to him. Sam reacts more to the feel of his brother’s warm breath and the intense silky sound of his deep voice than to the words themselves. And a deep rumbling, sigh came from Sam that physically manifested itself like a balloon deflating. 

Dean says, “Let’s go somewhere and finish this game ”

 

xxxxxxx

 

Dean would remember the first time he learned he liked to play  
And Dean would remember the first time he played to get what he wanted  
But Dean would always remember the first time he played to give Sam what he needed


	28. safe and sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " As long as everyone wears a condom....." Sheriff Jody Mills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART TEN: Safe and Sound

Sam felt his brother’s hands grip tighter as his whole body tensed. Their rhythm going from quick and erratic to a slower more forceful pumping in the last few thrusts. He could hear the change in Dean’s breathing , the grunts becoming softer as he began to let go. He could feel the slip-slide of their bodies as their skin dripped with sweat from the exertion.

And he felt himself spasm as Dean’s cock swelled and the heat of his brother’s release filled the condom and he swore he could feel as it stretched and he clenched his muscles to hold on to Dean, to pull him deeper inside of himself, to feel all of him. He needed to feel all of him. 

Sam’s eyes were closed from the pressure building within himself. The press of Dean’s weight. The back and forth , the feeling of push and pull as Dean’s body rocked against Sam’s cock, trapped between them, edging him closer and closer to his own release. 

As they came, one then the other, no more than an instant of time between them, they called each other’s names, collapsing on top of one another, and they were satisfied.

They lay still, their breathing short and quick, their limbs intertwined and slick with sweat. Sam rolls onto his side and becomes the little spoon as Dean’s cock slips free and big brother wraps him in his arms and holds on tighter.

These few fleeting moments are filled with their sharp breathing and soft sighs, mingled with sweet mumblings of words meant to soothe and stroke and hold off that feeling of loss from their separation.

These moments are free from worry or thoughts of responsibility or anything outside of their embrace. But Sam does have other thoughts; he wants something he can’t name. He wants more.

He wants to feel Dean explode inside him, to feel the rush as his seed floods into him and the sweet flow as it empties from him. He wants what no one else has ever had. He wants all of Dean. 

In just a few minutes, they begin to feel uncomfortable in the cooling and stickiness of the fluids on their skin.  
Dean kisses Sam’s neck then says, “ Let me get rid of this and get something to clean up with.” He gets out of bed removing the condom.

”I hate those damn things”, Sam answers, sounding like a spoiled child.  
“ Now, now, baby boy, you know you always gotta keep the dog on a leash” 

Dean hears Sam groan, taking it for the usual reaction to what Dean considers a very clever remark. He ties off the rubber, grabbing a tissue on the way to wrap it in. And he lets out a sharp “ha” as he flicks the condom toward the trash can and watches it fall in. His movements are practiced, fluid and smooth. 

Sam rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with his arm. He blew out a strong breath then muttered to himself. “It’s not like I can get pregnant. “

What Sam had forgotten, or did not appreciate, was the intense sharpness of Dean’s senses. And if he had been watching, he would have noticed the slight stutter in Dean’s step when he made that statement, that he hadn’t intended for his brother to hear. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought of the first time he truly understood the value of using protection.

 

An event as rare as the Winchester’s good luck occurred unexpectedly. Sam was going to the same high school for a second time. Dean remembered this school. It had been a long stay, almost three months, a little more than a year ago. Since then, Dean had taken his GED so, he wasn’t enrolled. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be driving his little brother to school. 

As they pulled up to the building, Sam was surprised when Dean turned off the engine and exited the car. Dean was by his side by the time Sam had his backpack out of the backseat. Sam waved a goodbye to discourage his brother but found Dean was walking with him.

“Dude, I’m almost sixteen. I’m pretty sure I can find my own way.” He playfully shoved his brother.  
“Come on, let me carry your books for ya, Sammy.” Dean answered as he laughed and ruffled his brother’s hair. He turned to walk back towards the car. As he turned he called over his shoulder, “Play nice with the other kids.” Then raised a hand, knowing that Sam had turned to look. 

Dean heard the whispering and rolled his eyes as the three girls approached him. He looked their way and gave them the million dollar smile, bowing his head in acknowledgement and said, “ladies.” 

He didn’t stop to talk until one of them said. “Didn’t you used to go here?”

“Yeah,” another girl added, “ You’re the one that got away.” 

This got Dean’s attention. He didn’t speak but, he faced them, folding his arms across his chest. He licked his lips then pressed them tightly together; he wrinkled his brow. And after an instant of drifting in thought, his focus concentrated on the three girls and their story. 

“You and Suzy.”, one of them said.  
.  
Of course, Dean couldn’t say he remembered ‘Suzy’ or any other girls he may have met here. But, she became more familiar as he heard the rest of the girls’ story. 

“She liked you good enough but she was always bitching ‘cause you HAD to wear a condom. She tried to talk you out of it, but you wouldn’t….”

“You didn’t act like the other boys.”

Dean interrupted. “Wait, what?” He said, throwing up his hands and taking a half step back. Then he paused, taking a big breath to calm himself. “We were kids; you gotta use a condom, at least” As much as their words disturbed him, he spoke calmly, to be reasonable, hoping to make his point. 

“Not if you’re trying to get pregnant. “ She said this as if Dean were the stupidest person alive. “They all wanted to have a baby over the summer. And she was the first one.”

“This year, we’re in it too.”

Dean grabbed his head as if his skull would crack open just to spit this conversation out of his brain. 

Dean didn’t shock easily but, he was stunned after hearing what they had to say. Dean couldn’t even answer. He merely shook his head, the expression on his face, unreadable. It was as mixed as his emotions, anger, disbelief, and in the end, fear. 

As Dean walked away, he slowly shook his head and thought to himself, “We better gank this thing quick. I gotta get Sammy the hell out of this school”


	29. Chapter 29

By the time Dean was finished cleaning up, Sam was already falling asleep. His body was heavy and pliant and the combination of the warmth of the wash cloth and his brother’s gentle touch only sent him deeper. 

Dean got back into bed careful enough not to disturb his brother. But, they were so attuned to each other, that Sam immediately adjusted and made himself comfortable on his big brother pillow. 

Dean wouldn’t bring it up; Sam had not wanted him to hear. They had talked before about not using a condom but not seriously, not until recently, anyway, Dean thought. It was more ‘what if’ or ‘have you ever’ . Dean felt the questions were odd because Sam knew how careful his brother was. He knew he was adventurous but, he wasn’t a fool. He always took care and little brother knew that. He thought of the last conversation they had.

“I can’t take that kind of chance with you.”  
“What do you mean? We’re not some back alley hook up, Dean.” 

He could still feel the sting of Sam’s words, even though he knew that was not the intent. Sam realized it and immediately apologized before he continued.  
“ We’ve only been with each other since we started this thing. We’re both clean and you always use a condom, I know that. When I was younger, I thought you had a pocket cut into your skin because you always had one on you.”

Although Dean realized he may be overly cautious, he never thought so when it came to Sam’s welfare. His brother had been right when he said there had been no one else since they had been together. And with all his partners he had always been careful. Which brought to mind the time a much younger Sammy had first made the comment about the pocket in his skin. That brought a smile to Dean’s face and the memory of Sam so innocent, caused him to squeeze tighter and kiss the top of Sam’s head like when he was younger. 

What Sam didn’t know, was as casual as Dean appeared when it came to his own well being, he never forgot the effect of his own behavior on his little brother. It was always there, the thought that if something happened to him, what would happen to his Sammy.

Dean watched as Sam’s eyelids fluttered. It was just enough for him to know that Sam could hear what he was saying. Maybe he would open up with his defenses down. 

“You know, I think you damaged my kidney, baby boy. You kicked me pretty hard.”

Sam huffed . “Sorry, Dean, really.”

“You probably just got overwhelmed. I can have that effect..” Dean was interrupted by Sam’s groaning and a clumsy attempt at a poke with his elbow. . “ But Sammy, this ain’t the first time. I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Sam sat up, leaning on an elbow and cradling the side of his brother’s face with one hand. “No, it’s good, Dean. It’s just...I want...something .”

Sam watched as Dean’s face twisted, his confusion obvious. 

“You. I want all of you, Dean.”

Dean looked at the expression on his brother’s face and it touched him. Sam’s face was open and his emotions were exposed without words. He felt what his brother wanted to say. He didn’t know why Sam couldn’t say it this time. He had asked before but, Dean had never been agreeable. Perhaps to hear the ‘no’, at this point, would be too much. 

But Dean knew that whatever Sam were to ask for now, he could never refuse him. And he knew what Sam wanted from him and he wanted to give him everything. All this made it more difficult for him to understand his reluctance. He tried to rationalize his thinking. He was hesitant to have sex without a condom. As if sucking each other’s cocks and swallowing cum was a totally different animal. 

Dean reached out and pulled his brother to him. and Sam nestled his head into the crook of Dean’s neck and held on tight.

“You have all of me. You have my heart and my soul. Sammy. “ Dean said all this with such tenderness, it made Sam release a sigh. He felt those words wrap around him. He fell asleep safe and warm in his brother’s arms.

xxxxxxxxxx

Dean knew, in his logical mind, it wasn’t Sam’s safety that stopped him from losing the condom.

It wasn’t his logical mind that raised the questions and created the doubts. It was always his responsibility to protect Sam from whatever he could.

He also knew that Sam’s frustration wasn’t borne of anger or dissatisfaction. It was a matter of trust. They trusted each other with their lives and that was what Sam wanted from him. To give Sam everything, he needed to trust himself, completely. 

This would be a first for both of them to share and that was enough for him to remove his doubts. He would give Sam something no one else has ever had, all of himself. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean thought about the first time he knew that not everyone cared to be safe.

 

It was the kind of place where you could get just about anything you wanted. And if you wanted to sit back and enjoy the scenery, you could do that too. 

Dean wasn’t really sure what he wanted, so he took a seat at the bar and greeted the familiar bartender.. He sat facing the room, one foot on the floor, the other on the rung of the stool. The position forced his legs apart, just enough. He wasn’t advertising but, there was a hint of an invitation.

He didn’t focus on anything or anyone but, as he scanned the room, he saw possibilities. He reached for his drink and a hand touched him, a light touch of fingers on his arm.

Dean turned to look. The man was slim but solid. It was in the way he moved, the almost too tight fit of his clothes. This was not the usual someone that Dean would notice. Their eyes met; there was something, a promise of adventure. He seemed to have no fear. 

He wasn’t a kid but, his face was free of facial hair, the skin smooth and pale. He had dark hair and darker eyes. They captivated Dean’s attention and he smiled, a little one. The man smiled back; it was almost shy. But Dean knew that was not the case. 

When Dean didn’t pull his hand away, the man moved closer, stepping between his legs. He leaned in to whisper, “You wanna fuck?” Seeing the look on Dean’s face made him laugh and Dean laughed too, taking it as a joke. 

For an instant, he caught a look from the bartender and a back and forth movement of his head, so slight, that Dean wasn’t sure he had actually seen it. And It was quickly forgotten as the man leaned heavier into him and he felt the man’s hardness against him with a small roll of his hips. 

“Whoa, slow down there, cowboy.” Dean held the man at the waist to still his movements. However, he wasn’t quite sure if his comment was truly directed at his partner or at his own responding dick.

“Maybe we should get out of here first”, Dean said and his eyes widened as, in answer, his hands were gripped tight and slid down to cover the man’s ass. He pushed his hips closer into Dean and said, “We can do it right here, if you want.”

Dean huffed; this was a little beyond his idea of flirting but, the rush was intoxicating. 

The man rubbed one warm hand along Dean’s thigh until it came to rest on his growing erection. “You like that? Why don't you bend me over that table and shove this big cock up my ass.”

Dean felt his muscles tense, unwittingly tightening his hold. Then he heard,  
“And I hate condoms.” 

Dean didn’t move at first. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was no joke. 

Dean never knew his dick could lose interest so quickly.


	30. Chapter 30

Sam noticed how his brother jumped every time he heard his phone. It didn’t seem to matter whether it was a call or a text or even an email alert. 

It was Dean’s idea to take it easy for a couple of days but his behavior was anything but relaxed. He was obviously waiting for something but, whatever it was, Sam wasn’t included. 

As good as Dean was at keeping secrets entrusted to him, whenever he was hiding something from Sam, he was much less convincing. Sam decided to leave big brother to his game and play along. 

As Dean stepped into the small bathroom, Sam asked, “Dude, was that your phone?” He could barely hold back the grin as he watched his brother poke his head out of the room and nearly trip over a duffle bag to grab his phone before Sam could pick it up. 

Dean checked the screen and discovered that there was no call. He turned to go back to what he was doing but not before giving Sam a glowering look. And before either man could speak, Dean felt the vibration of his phone in his hand.

It was so unexpected that he almost dropped it, which only made Sam’s attempt to control himself, useless.

“Bitch”, Dean mumbled as he walked out the door for some privacy. 

And Sam interrupted his laughter only long enough to say, “Jerk.” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was quite a few minutes before Dean returned. And from the look on his face, Sam was pretty sure that whatever his brother was waiting for, had arrived. 

He walked into the room as if he were on autopilot, deep in thought. His eyes seemed unfocused or, at least, looking at something very far away. He licked his lips, unconsciously, in stops and starts. It was a tell that Sam recognised and it unnerved him. He approached his brother quickly, his concern taking over all other emotions. 

“Dean, bad news?”

Dean quickly became aware, as if startled. Then he held out his phone to Sam and smiled. Whatever was the secret, he wanted to share it now, 

Dean smiles as he hands his phone to Sam and says “ Quite the opposite”  
Sam read the email. Now he understood why Dean had wanted to take a couple of days off and stay in town only working if there was a job close by. 

There was a time when Sam would have figured Dean met someone that he wanted to spend more time with. But they were together now and had been every night. And any time he was gone for more than a few hours, Dean had kept in touch. 

Now he realized where Dean had been. He was looking at a report from the local public health office. And from the smile on Dean’s face, he already knew the results. 

Sam reads the email and looks up at Dean. “Does this mean what I think it does?” In his excitement, Sam tightened his hold on the phone almost until he feared it might crack. 

“Yep, next time we go to the rodeo, we’re riding bareback.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Both Sam and Dean anxiously looked forward to that next time.

 

That next time wasn’t planned. It very rarely was. 

They were both pumped up on adrenaline and that feel good lift of endorphins from a job well done. They started in the car, grabbing and stroking each other, desperate forceful kisses and promises.

It was Dean that put the brakes on and got them under control for the ride back to their room. He was suddenly unusually quiet, to the point where Sam took notice. He watched his brother drive , his attention riveted on the road and his hands gripped tightly on the wheel. 

Sam reached out and rested a hand on his brother’s thigh. “Dean, I know what you’re thinking about.”

“Yea, a hot shower and you in bed..or maybe even in the shower,” Dean stole a quick look at Sam and wiggled his eyebrows at him, making Sam smile. 

When Dean turned back to the road, Sam watched his brother and slowly shook his head. “Dude, you’re chewing your lip like a stick of gum. I know this is a big deal for you…”

“Come on Sam. We’re not virgins here.” Dean blew out a big breath. “Okay, yea...I was thinking about…. that.” He waved one hand as if to dismiss the subject. “I don’t know why….”

“Dean, all you ever think about is my safety, no matter how old we get. I mean...the physical, the blood tests, I know that was for me.”

A short silence passed before Dean spoke. He seemed tentative and unsure.

“You know, it’s probably not gonna feel the same. If it’s more uncomfortable or painful, you tell me.”

Sam put a smile on his face, rolling his eyes and slowly shaking his head. He patted his big brother’s thigh. “Dean, we already know how big your dick is. You were wearing a condom, not spanx.”

Dean tilted his head and Sam heard ‘hmmm’ and felt the need to clarify his remark. He gently ran his hand through Dean’s hair.  
“Dean.” He said and waited for his brother’s attention before he continued. “with an ‘x’; it’s a brand of women’s….”  
Dean cut him off, “I know what it is. I just never thought it would come up in conversation and maybe it gave me some ideas.” A sly half smile grew on his face and he drew his eyebrows up, making Sam laugh and gently push him away. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean’s hands on his brother’s body were slippery both from a slick coating of sweat and his increasing loss of control. He could feel the grip adjusting on his shoulders as his brother’s hands tightened then loosened as he was also losing control. 

Sam felt the heat and the liquid rush as Dean exploded inside him. He clenched his muscles as if to squeeze all he could from Dean and he watched as Dean’s eyes widened and his breath escaped in powerful grunts punctuated with “Sammy”, “oh God” and “Sammy”. 

Sam wasn’t far behind and even with barely a touch of his brother’s hand on his swollen and leaking dick, he came. He screamed Dean’s name, his eyes rolling back in his head as everything hit him at once and. in just a few minutes, he collapsed on to the bed. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean cleans up and gets back into bed. Cuddling up to take Sam in his arms and asked if he was all right. 

As much as ‘baby boy’ was their own private endearment, the way Dean said ‘sweetheart’ at moments like this, touched Sam deeply, beyond even his heart, It was spoken without thought; it was pure emotion, something his big brother rarely let go. And it drew a sound from Sam of true contentment. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean always remembered to use protection when he had sex.  
And Dean always knew there were consequences for not being careful.  
But now Dean knew the ultimate reward for keeping them both safe and sound.


	31. pen and ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART ELEVEN: Pen and Ink

Sam looked up as Dean walked into the room carrying two plates of food.  
“Dean, look at this.” The expression on Dean’s face was enough to let him know that he was more interested in his sandwich.  
“You gotta read this. It looks like these kids got some kind of love letter and it made them go nuts . “

Having taken his seat at the table, Dean takes a big bite of food, and says as he chews. “Did it make them sing ‘’Love Stinks ?”

A smile starts to form but, Sam reins it in. “Seriously, it’s not a good thing, dude. It looks like some kind of twisted love spell. Come on, read this.”

Sam slides his laptop over to the other side of the table and in return, gets a scowl for interrupting Dean’s meal. 

He reads the collection of tiny notices that hadn’t even made it beyond their local news, as well Sam’s notes and references. Sliding the laptop back across to Sam, Dean grabs his sandwich. 

After waiting a reasonable amount of time , Sam stared at his brother, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, silently encouraging an answer. When there was still no response, he held his agitation in check and calmly spoke, “Dean?”

After letting out a big breath, Dean slowly lowers his food back on to the plate. He sits back and folds his arms across his chest. 

“Are you trying to tell me that you think these things are happening because of freakin’ love letters?” Then in a voice just loud enough to be heard but, in a grumble making it almost unintelligible he adds, “nobody believes that shit.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean remembers the first time he knew what a love letter was.

 

Dean had no desire to sit in a classroom all day. He didn’t have the patience for it. He had work to do. He could mix chemicals better than a Nobel scientist. He thought it pretty impressive that he knew what that meant. He had a great memory. He could remember facts and figures, lore and fables. He was in better physical condition than any guy on the varsity team. And some of the other things he knew, couldn’t be taught in any school.  
He found the english classes, especially literature, the most useless. He could speak English as good as anybody. He could read any book he wanted, if he wanted to.  
But he wasn’t allowed to leave school just yet. Another year, his dad said, then he could get his GED. Dean just thought that was another waste of time but, that was the deal.  
So, in the meantime, EngLit. There were perks, though. Pretty girls who got all dewy eyed over the sappy romantic poets and guys named Heathcliff. But mostly there was her, the prettiest girl he thinks he’s ever seen. She was sweet and gave him that coy, side glance with a shy smile. They talked, goofy silly things that made her laugh. She wasn’t his speed but he was willing to take a little time. So much so, that he even stole a paperback from the library because she chose to do a class reading from it. “Shakespeare’s Sonnets ”, shaking his head and rolling his eyes each time he read the title.

She was reading to the class today. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day…..”  
He followed along with the text. The words meant nothing to him but the sound of her voice told him she was speaking only to him. It was music. He felt it. The air became too thick, making it difficult to breathe. He lifts his head, his mouth open to draw in a much needed breath and his eyes catch the light in her hair. She looks up having finished her reading. Then she smiled at a boy in the third row. 

Those stupid words.


	32. Chapter 32

Dean reluctantly agreed to go along and investigate the situation.   
The boys involved, lived in different towns , and the events took place over a long period of time so, Sam took that as the reason no one had made a connection. But there was a connection; all the girls attended the same high school.   
Sam and Dean spoke to the parents and the one boy who had survived. They were all good students, popular and they all had steady girlfriends.  
But these letters weren’t from their girlfriends. And fortunately, most of the letters were still around.

Sam and Dean managed to talk to a couple of the girls and found out that they went to a school counselor who guided them and helped them write the letters of unrequited love.   
It wasn’t until Sam and Dean picked apart the wording, that they realized what was going on. There were similarities in the phrasing that Sam found unusual for a teen aged girl.   
After a little more research, it became clear that some kind of a witch was writing the love letters for girls who wanted boys who didn’t want them.   
There was no exchange of money or even favors. The witch got her payment in the end.  
Since the feelings weren’t mutual, the letters made the boys emotionally distant and created enough self doubt and remorse, that the boy either killed himself or tried to. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean remembers the first time he wrote a love letter

 

It had been a few weeks since Sammy left for Stanford. Dean didn’t call; he wouldn’t. Sam had called him but he wouldn’t answer. It was too dangerous; it was too tempting. They would fall into that groove and maybe the pull would be too much, at least for Dean.   
He sat on the trunk of his Baby and pulled an envelope out of the back pocket of his jeans and a pen from behind his ear. 

“Hey Sammy” , he wrote. “ I was thinking about you today. I know I didn’t seem supportive when you left but I really am proud of you. I want you to have everything you want. I want you to be happy.   
You have the chance now to be whatever you want to be. As much as you may think that hunters are brave, if you think that, YOU are the brave one. You had the courage to walk away.   
I tried to make you feel like you were deserting your family, that you were leaving us to fight alone. The truth is, you were leaving me. I lived every day making sure you were safe, that you could protect yourself, even though that was always my job.  
But Sammy, it was more than that. I couldn't admit it at the time. It wasn’t just that I cared for you and loved you. I need you.   
The day after you left, I drank myself stupid. And the next morning I woke up and I didn’t know why. I had no purpose; I was lost. I had a pain in my heart, a real physical thing, it made it hard to breathe. And then it broke. I cried Sam, big giant sobs that I couldn’t control. And all I wanted was to see you and hold you….”

Dean stopped writing 

“Oh god Sammy…..” He heard himself say in a rough, broken voice he barely recognized.  
The pen fell from his hand, then he dragged that hand roughly across his face to wipe the tears that had appeared without his consent. He heard himself make a sound somewhere between that heart wrenching sob and some kind of hysterical laughter.

He held the envelope with the thumb and forefinger of each hand and ripped it in half; he ripped it again. Then he opened his hands and watched as the wind carried the pieces away.


	33. Chapter 33

With all the ammunition they needed, Sam and Dean quickly dispatched the low level witch. The case was over and Dean still had a problem with it. If he had to read one more of those idiotic poems or... ugh! those sappy notes and love letters…. ‘They don’t do anything’, he mumbled .” Nobody talks like that; nobody believes that crap. “

They talked about it. Well, Sam talked and Dean grumbled. 

 

“It doesn’t have to read like poetry, Dean”

Love letters, poetry. Dean had no use for that.. His own words ,right now, were full of that tough guy bravado and emotional detachment. 

Sam watched his brother from the passenger seat. Dean was aware but, even so, he couldn’t totally hide the quick flash of true emotion from Sam’s sight ….disappointment,.... sadness, maybe.   
Sam closed his eyes and pressed his lips tightly together then took a big breath in and out.

“It’s supposed to...no, it’s…..”  
Sam paused to choose his words carefully. Whatever that flash of emotion he had seen on his brother’s face, it was right there under the surface. And it was painful. And since he believed he had Dean’s attention, he wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to put it back without ,at least, trying to help.

“A love letter doesn’t HAVE to be anything. It can be silly or flowery or logical, whatever. It’s a sharing of real feelings . A poem, a note, it’s something tangible. And even if you don’t think…..”

Sam paused; he got no response or encouragement but, he hadn’t really expected any. He only hoped that Dean had been listening.

They drove on, silently, for a short time. But, it didn’t take long for Sam and Dean to fall back into their comfortable chatter. 

The night became long and heated. The case was over and the evil had been put to rest. The celebration started in the bar and ended in their bed. In the morning, after the encore, Sam washed up.. He left his brother to sleep through his bliss. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean in his half sleep, couldn’t help but think of how it might feel to get a real love letter

 

When Sam returns from his run, he finds Dean fully dressed, his hair still wet, the drops catching the sunlight as Sam walks through the door and his smile is brighter than that. Sam tells Dean he’ll take a quick shower then they can go for breakfast before they head home.. He mentions the place right down the road, bringing to his brother's memory their perfect cup of coffee. Dean volunteers to go, which is what Sam had hoped for. 

“I’ll go pick something up. I need the caffeine kick anyway and we can pack up while we eat. “  
With that, Dean grabbed his keys and walked out. Sam started to undress as he walked into the bathroom, a big smile on his face. 

 

As Dean approached the car, he noticed a small sheet of paper on the windshield. He slipped it from under the windshield wiper, letting his eyes shift across the parking lot. He unfolded the note and he felt the heat of a blush as a big smile appeared on his face. His cheekbones pushed up to his eyes, forcing the crinkles at the corners. And the tip of his tongue curled over his teeth toward his upper lip.  
He squeezed the paper within his hand then brought his fist to his lips, before putting the note in his jeans pocket and walked back to the motel room. 

The note was from Sam, written on an envelope, with a pen Dean kept in the car. ‘ I miss you   
breakfast can wait'

 

Xxxxxxxxx

Dean remembers the first time he read a love letter  
And Dean remembers the first time he wrote a love letter  
But, Dean would always remember how it felt to get his first love letter


	34. suit and tie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART TWELVE : Suit and Tie

Sam and Dean are dressing and Dean is complaining about wearing a suit and tie. “Come on, Sam. Why do we have to dress like this? We’re in Bumfuck, Who Cares and it’s hotter than hell’s armpit out there”

Sam answers while buttoning his shirt and wishing he had the nerve to wear short sleeves under his suit jacket. “Dean, this is supposed to be an official...” He paused and huffed out a laugh realizing how ridiculous that was. “Anyways, we’re supposed to be government agents. And government agents wear suits and ties” And with that, he scooped up a deep red and grey striped tie and mouthed the words ‘power tie’

Dean rolled his eyes as he draped his own tie around his shirt collar, leaving his top button open and the tie hanging. If this was his only act of rebellion, he would use it. He stands and walks over to retrieve his jacket and car keys, checking that he had the appropriate ID in his inside pocket. At this point, Sam turns away from the mirror to face him and Dean watches as his brother ties his tie. 

He watches the smooth fabric slide between Sam’s long nimble fingers. The silver grey catches the light as it flips and wraps around itself. He watches as Sam forms the knot and pulls it taut. And Dean finds himself unconsciously licking his lips as he watches the slow slide of the the tie up the white shirt, button by button until it settles at Sam’s throat. He closes his eyes for a second before he leaves the room. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thinks about the first time he appreciated a red tie.

 

He was bone tired. He laughed at the phrase because, then why come to a place like this? He heard it was different, a distraction and he didn’t think he could do more than watch. A few drinks, a little entertainment and he could call it a night. Just clear his head, bring it down a notch.

He walked into what looked like any other skin bar, On second thought, it had a little more light, no sticky floor and from his first glance, some pretty good booze. He decided to sit at the bar. The bartender was friendly enough and Dean asked for a whiskey shot and he offered him something special. Dean couldn’t remember when, if ever, he had tasted anything this smooth. This started a conversation and after a short while ,Dean decided to get closer to the action. The bartender suggested he check out the second stage in back.

He heard the music. And he heard the voices. He was curious; he could tell that the room was small. He walked in and took an empty seat . The chair was comfortable and padded with a high rounded back . He settled in, slid his palm on the vinyl and had an appreciative thought about how easy it would be to clean. He looked at the stage and saw two wide strips of red satin fabric draped from high above the stage, side by side.. He assumed it was some kind of a curtain and asked his neighbor what was going on.

“Sakura’s coming up next.” the man said, then backhanded Dean’s arm, as if they were sharing a secret. Dean shrugged and sat back, enjoying his drink.

There was a change in the music and she walked on stage wearing a robe. ’ No, that’s a kimono’, Dean thought; and he smiled. She was beautiful, long dark hair that shone like glass; her skin was pale and shimmering…., pearlescent, {he surprised himself with that ). He shifted in his seat as she pulled her hair back tying it off and turned away to remove her robe. She looked naked, her costume almost the color of her skin and the contrast with the red made Dean’s throat go dry. 

He could imagine the feel of her. Smooth and soft but firm from the muscles that would ripple like waves, he thought, as she moved. There was a contrast of the deep red sheen and the creamy white skin, with a flush of pink that seemed to blend the two into one form. Dean was captivated by it. It looked like a dance but, was she leading or following? This intrigued him. 

He watched as the red wrapped around her body , snug and secure, holding her still, almost of its own power. Then she spins and turns, stretching and pulling. It’s slow and deliberate, agonizingly slow. Is she trying to escape or asking for more? Dean feels his breathing, deep and slow. 

And suddenly, the release, as the ribbon unravels and quickly lowers her to the floor. He gasped, almost like that first gulp of air when you come from underwater, and he felt it in the pit of his stomach.

Dean found himself on the edge of his seat. As she walked off the stage, he sank into his chair letting his head drop back. He blew out a big breath. When he sat up, he shook his head as if waking from a dream. He was almost dazed, unable to believe he could be so affected. But the images brought out something deep. He was exhausted, his body heavy and he realized he could probably fall asleep right here. He downed the last of his drink and decided he might have to return tomorrow night.


	35. Chapter 35

Dean loves to drive with the windows open. The rush of the wind against his skin and the power of his Baby rumbling down the road. It was freedom, not like the stifling confines of this damn suit and tie. He refused to tie his tie until they reached the office. He leaned a little closer to the open window to feel just a little more of the rushing air. He had his sleeves rolled up and his collar open and stole a quick look at his brother to find Sam was looking at him. 

“How can you sit there in this heat, dressed like that?” Dean asked, then quickly turned his eyes back to the road.  
“You know, Dean, the car’s got air conditioning. You don’t have to be uncomfortable.” He heard Dean make a sound of dismissal and Sam merely shook his head and smiled. He soon realized that the office was nearby and directed Dean to pull into a gas station. He wanted them presentable. 

The brothers stood face to face at the rear of the car. As they finalized their questions and reorganized their facts, Dean rolled down his shirtsleeves and began to fuss with his tie. Sam ran his hands through his hair and took a quick look at Dean’s tie as he turned to get back in the car. He turned back towards Dean as a half smile pulled at his lips. He raised his hand and cupped the left side of his brother’s face. His eyes darted around the immediate area then Sam leaned in close enough to kiss.  
“Your tie is crooked.” He pats his brother’s face and sneaks a peck on Dean’s lips. He loosens Dean’s tie and redoes the knot. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thinks about the first time he appreciated a good knot

Bobby said the guy had the best assortment of rope and binding for miles around. Dean needed ties that wouldn’t cut the skin but held a knot and he needed rope for hauling,

Dean passed through the door at the rear of the hardware store. He took note of the warding symbols on the door jamb, above the “staff only” sign. He had been directed to search out the office at the end of the hallway. He knocked and entered. The room was empty but, he heard a voice call out asking for his patience for a few minutes.

Dean’s attention was caught by a wall of photographs, to his left. They were various sizes, all black and white and all appeared to be ropes and bindings. He needed a closer look. He was fascinated, enough to run a finger along the pattern of one of the photos. The knots were complicated, intricate, almost like art, he thought. Out loud, he said, “No sailor did these.”

“Beautiful, aren’t they?”

Dean turned at the sound of the voice to see a slightly built, older man, dark hair, not quite to his shoulders, with a wave to it that caught the light and your imagination. The man smiled, his eyes bright, as he spoke of the photos. “ Definitely not sailor's’ knots. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll call it rope bondage.”

The conversation continued. Dean’s questions showing more interest than either of them expected. “Yea, but not really practical, huh ? “ Dean didn’t see the small smile at the master’s lips, as he was unable to keep his eyes from the pictures on the wall. 

“You use handcuffs in your work?” It wasn’t really a question but it did get Dean’s attention. “Suppose you need them and you don’t have anything but…” He paused to give Dean time to consider the possibility. “ maybe a necktie?” He produced a length of fabric. 

Despite his skepticism, Dean offered his hands, never doubting that the exercise would prove fruitless. He watched the deliberate and graceful movements of the master’s hands and the smooth, fluid flow of the fabric. 

After the last knot was secured, Dean found he was restrained but relatively comfortable. However, he couldn’t maneuver enough to attempt an escape. His host placed a knife in his hands but, it was useless.

“Dude, you gotta show me how to do this” Dean’s eyes lit up at the agreement. 

As Dean practiced, the conversation moved to other uses of the rope and Dean’s earlier remarks. He tied the master’s hands behind his back and he was pleased. The bound man turned to face Dean and said, “I believe I am completely at your mercy.” And he smiled as he fell to his knees. 

Dean liked the sound of that.


	36. Chapter 36

The ride back to the motel was uneventful. The temperature had cooled considerably as the day waned. Sam and Dean had gotten pretty much all they needed to get the job done and used their dinner break to plan.

Their professional appearance had devolved into rolled up shirt sleeves, open collars and loosened ties. Their suit jackets having already been left in Baby’s care by way of the back seat. So, after the meal and a couple of beers, they were content and ready to call it a day.

Sam and Dean return to their room.   
Sam pulls Dean into a kiss then whispers in his ear about getting out of their clothes. Sam starts to remove his own tie and Dean takes hold of his wrists and looks deep into Sam’s eyes. And biting his lower lip, slowly shakes head. Sam is curious, releasing his hold on the tie. A soft breath came out as a small sigh. Without lowering his eyes, Dean draped one end of the tie across Sam’s wrists. Then, holding both his wrists in one hand, he wrapped the tie around them twice. 

Sam’s first instinct was to pull away. And he did, slightly, as a small laugh escaped him. They don’t do bondage. But there was a look in Dean’s eyes. It was dark and powerful and it pulled the fight right out of him. His breathing became labored. But the effort was not in his breathing; he realized he was falling into wherever it was Dean was taking him. He felt almost light headed as, he believed, all the blood went rushing to his dick, causing him to buck his hips without thought. 

 

He felt the soft fabric wrap around his wrists. It wasn’t confining or restrictive. It felt comforting and secure. Sam wanted to look at what his brother was doing but, he couldn’t take his eyes from Dean’s gaze. It held him as sure as the bindings around his arms. 

Sam was aware that Dean had experiences and interests beyond his own. He also knew he was not privy to them all. They played rough, sometimes. They were each selfish and controlling too, sometimes. But this was new for Sam. He was being swept away and Dean was in control. 

Dean undressed them both until he was naked and Sam was left in his unbuttoned dress shirt, his hands secured to the bed frame. And Dean feasted on him.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thinks he wants to show Sam the meaning of ‘power tie’

Sam could only watch as Dean held their cocks in his hand and stroked, coaxing him, teasing him until he was ready to scream. And with a wicked grin on his face, Dean stopped. Sam let his head fall back on the pillow. He had his knees drawn up as Dean licked and sucked and fondled him. Every touch sending shivers and spasms throughout his body until he began to buck uncontrollably, looking for relief. 

As Sam became more unglued, Dean gripped the base of Sam’s dick, tightly and tugged on his balls to hold him off. It was maddening. But soon, he realized, it was no longer Dean’s hands that held him. He lifted his head and saw the slash of color, the blue of Dean’s tie. And then Dean straddled him, his heavy balls warm against Sam’s belly and Sam’s quivering muscles pleasing them both. 

Sam could only watch as Dean stroked himself with that small twist on the upstroke. He could only watch as a sheen of perspiration developed on Dean’s body, on that beautiful perfect face and dripped from his chin. All he wanted was to lick the sweat from his brother’s face, from his balls. He wanted to suck that swollen red cock and swallow all Dean would give him. 

Then his mind went blank as Dean began to rock. He was grunting and groaning, his face muscles going tight, then slack. And his ass grazed the tip of Sam’s straining and swollen cock. And Dean came, mostly on his hand (always the gentleman), but he did allow a few jets to spray across Sam’s chest and throat.

He could feel Dean manipulating his bound cock and balls. The touch was gentle but he was so sensitive, it was almost beyond painful. And if it went on for much longer, he thought he would die.. But he was begging now. And pleading. He felt desperate; he would do anything, anything, if only Dean would let him come. He pulled his hands apart, there was give but he couldn't break the bond. The knots held fast no matter how he tried, there was no loosening of the restraints and absolutely no discomfort in the struggle. Dean's work was flawless.

Dean placed a soft kiss to his lips and suddenly, his genitals were released. And every nerve ending, and every pulse of his heartbeat collected in his groin and he screamed as he shot until the stars behind his eyes sparked white hot.

When he came to his senses, he found himself cleaned up and unbound, in Dean’s arms. And he knew this before he was fully aware, from the gentle stroking of Dean’s hand through his hair and the warm feel of Dean’s skin. As they shifted themselves more comfortably in their bed, , Dean placed a light kiss to Sam’s temple. And for all his good intentions to thank his brother properly, Sam was completely unable to keep his eyes open any longer. 

And Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Yes, Dean would remember the first time he was wrapped up by a tie  
And Dean would remember the first time he learned to appreciate a good knot  
But Dean would never again complain about wearing a suit and tie


	37. rinse and repeat

Dean walked out of the motel bathroom, a towel around his waist. He used a second towel to dry his arms and shoulders, a look of annoyance on his face. 

“I can’t wait to get back home and take a real shower,”

Sam’s small laugh was followed by a slow roll of his eyes as he continued to get dressed.  
“Dean, I know the pressure is no comparison but, the water is hot and the towels are decent.”

Dean began the list of complaints as Sam expected. He knew that was what Dean wanted to do. When he got to “the shower is too small”, Sam stopped him. He reminded Dean about the shower they took together the day before.  
“I didn’t hear you complaining yesterday. We had plenty of room then.”

Dean turned quickly to face Sam and raised his hand as he said, “Enough room, there’s a difference.” Then he winked and threw his towel at his brother. “Now, imagine how that would have ended in the Men of Letters shower.” He faked a shiver, rubbing his hands together and raising his eyebrows. 

Sam’s laugh was cut short when he bent to retrieve Dean’s towel then quickly grabbed his shoulder. He winced as he said, “You know, I could use that water pressure on this shoulder right about now. “ He rubbed his shoulder and moved his arm back and forth to loosen the muscle. 

Dean approached and started to massage his brother’s shoulder. Sam let himself lean back against his big brother and closed his eyes.  
“Maybe what you need is a nice hot bath, baby boy.”

A few seconds later Sam made a contented sound part sigh, part hum. “Together?”, he asked with a chuckle.  
“Why not?”  
“With bubbles?” Sam poked his brother in the ribs with his elbow.  
“Don’t knock what ya don’t know.” 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about appreciating a nice hot bath

 

Dean was across the street, his back against the Impala, legs crossed at the ankles, his arms folded across his chest. He slowly moved his head as his eyes scanned the neighborhood, always observant and aware of what went on around him. And every so often, he would focus his vision on the second-floor window at the back of the house, waiting for the light to go out. 

That was her room. Her parents would be out for the evening and Rhonda had plans.

Dean met Rhonda just a short time ago. And one thing Dean learned to appreciate about her was that she was willing and eager. They were of like minds, nothing serious, just fun. 

He thought back to the night she dared him to try on her panties. Her soft, pink, satiny panties. He remembered the smooth feel of the fabric against his skin and the way it cradled his balls, like being held and gently squeezed. In his mind, he could still feel the sweet pressure of fabric without enough give causing his cock to fill. And he suddenly had to take a few steps around the car to loosen the tightness beginning to pull at his insides.

The light went out and Dean crossed the street, entering through the door at the side of the house, locking the door behind him. As he passed through the kitchen, he grabbed a beer from the fridge. It was some imported, pretentious stuff in a fancy bottle, that Dean wouldn’t be caught drinking in public, But, damn, it was good. 

He walked down the second-floor hallway toward the room at the end of the hall. The door was partially open and he could see the slim column of light along the door frame. The heat of steam and the smell of citrus and spice hit him as he slowly pushed the door open. 

And there, in the bathtub, was Rhonda covered in bubbles, her arm extended and there was a sheen on her skin that almost glittered in the soft light. Dean let out a long breath of air as the blood drained into his groin. He could almost feel his pupils dilate and a warmth filled him that was not from the temperature of the room. 

Captured by the look in her eyes, Dean undressed and joined Rhonda in the tub.


	38. Chapter 38

This part of the drive was long and flat and dull. But staying off the main roads took them through these quiet places. They didn’t mind; it gave them time together as if they were the only people on earth. The world was quiet and peaceful. 

The scenery changed so slowly, it was almost unnoticeable. The dirt and sparse vegetation gave way to scattered clumps of grasses along the edge of the road, spreading to large patches, which turned into fenced green grasses where animals fed and then into small homes surrounded by blankets of beautiful green lawns. Then the scenery reversed until, once again, they found themselves driving along dry deserted roads. 

The sun started to go down and the sky changed to a smoky blue, waiting for the stars to come out. Dean pulled over to the side of the road; they still had a ways to go but, here was a perfect opportunity to push the world away for just a little while longer. They grabbed a couple of beers and sat on Baby’s trunk. They leaned back against the window and watched the stars. 

A sudden gust of wind kicked up and Dean watched his brother’s hair come alive. It fluttered and twisted and he reached out to smooth it back into place. And of course, Sam immediately shook his head to rearrange it. At that instant, the wind changed direction and drew dust up from the road. This time when Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, he felt the grit and his fingers caught in the tangles as he pulled his hand away. 

“I really need to get this crap out of my hair”, Sam said. 

“Let me do it.”

“Dude, you want to wash my hair?” He looked at Dean like he was offering to sell the Impala for parts.

“Yea, we can use that fancy shampoo you keep hidden from me.” Dean leaned against Sam and playfully bumped him.

“Whatever, man” And Sam laughed, shaking his head. And Dean watched as Sam’s bangs fell over his face. 

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean thought about a haircut and a shampoo

 

Dean ran his fingers through his hair after his shower and could almost loop it behind his ears. He really needed a haircut. Somehow, he had managed to get paid, in a nice chunk of actual money, after his last job. A ghost, a simple salt and burn, so he decided that a celebration was in order.

He was dressing in his best, which was a tight black t-shirt and his most worn out jeans. They were the ones that already had your shape before you even stepped into them. And he was looking for some fun. But first, just to sweeten the pot, he would get a real haircut. 

He parked down the street from a shop he had noticed earlier. The big lights were out but, the sign read “open” so he walked in. A small bell announced his arrival and he heard a voice call out “ I was just about to close up shop.” Immediately after that, a man stepped out from around a corner. He was long and lean and moved with a fluidity like a fishing lure through the water. That’s the feeling Dean got. 

Maybe it was because Dean was ready to play but something about the man intrigued him. He smiled at Dean and his eyes did that quick scan from head to toe and back to his face. Suddenly and very uncharacteristically, Dean felt awkward. 

“Oh, if you have to leave,” Dean said, running his hand through his hair in an unconscious effort to continue the encounter. A small huff of a laugh followed by a wave welcoming Dean to sit brought a half smile to Dean’s lips. Dean removed his jacket garnering another small smile, this one accompanied by the man running the tip of his tongue across his lips. “I can make time for you”, he said. 

Whipping a cape around Dean, the man leaned in close and said, “What would you like me to do for you ?” Dean adjusted himself in his seat, a little more affected than he expected. “I’m all yours”, Dean said, looking through the mirror into the man’s eyes. The stylist made a sound like a cat purring as he ran his hands through Dean’s hair. And Dean felt the touch, hot and strong, his eyes closing and the smallest sound escaping him. 

After a short conversation about length and shaping, which was as close to foreplay as they would get, the stylist took Dean’s hand and walked him to a chair by the sink, making a quick detour to flip the sign and lock the door. 

Securing a towel, which involved tucking it around Dean’s collar with smooth strokes along his throat and jawline, the stylist tilted Dean’s head back and said, “Let’s get started.” Dean opened his eyes and looked directly into an invitation. He ran his tongue across his lips watching caramel colored eyes become rings around enlarging black pupils.

The stylist leaned over and sucked Dean’s bottom lip. Dean did the same, reaching up to pull the man closer to hold him there until he was done. The sound of the spray startled Dean and he laughed. The water was warm and forceful. He could smell a citrusy scent as the stylist massaged his scalp alternating strong and gentle and occasionally pulling his hair with a sharp tug. 

After the rinse, the stylist walked from behind the sink, removing the cape and Dean sat up preparing to return to the stylist’s chair. He felt a firm push on his chest with flat hands, the fingers caressing, the heat from the water seeping through the fabric of his t-shirt. Straddling Dean, with their groins, barely touching, their mutual interest obvious. “We’re not quite done yet”, he said, running his tongue along Dean’s lips. 

Dean sat back while his scalp was massaged, his face and neck were licked, kissed and playfully bitten and his hands wrapped around a firm round ass grinding their bodies together.

It was quite some time later before Dean got his haircut.


	39. Chapter 39

Sam grabbed their bags from the backseat while Dean checked the trunk for anything in the arsenal that might need attention. After a quick survey, he decided it would keep till morning.

The garage was still a gold mine to Dean, all the classic old cars, and the bikes. And he loved to park Baby in the center aisle like she was on display, the winner of a beauty pageant. That thought always made him smile as ran his hand along the sleek black metal.

Sam and Dean entered the hallway. 

“So, why didn’t we stop, Dean?”

“‘Cause I want real food.”

“Restaurants serve things other than burgers and bacon, you know.”

Dean stopped, dropped his duffel, then turned to face his brother and said, “You’ll eat those words”, with an edge in his voice and a smile on his face. 

Turning and walking toward the kitchen Dean said, “Dude, dump that crap in the room. I gotta go forage.”  
Sam’s laughter followed dean down the hallway. 

It was slim pickings in the kitchen but, Dean managed to make an omelet with caramelized onions, bits of a ham steak he found in the freezer, and an experimental combination of herbs and spices all between two slices of rye bread. Sam savored every bite accompanied by sounds of satisfaction that put Dean’s brain in a different place.

After dinner, they found themselves sprawled out on an old leather couch in one of the bunker’s hidden rooms. They had their feet up and a movie was playing on the laptop. When Dean realized that neither of them knew what was going on, he decided they might as well sleep comfortably and go to bed. 

“Let’s get you into a nice hot shower before bed, okay, Sammy?”

Dean shook his head at the “huh” he got in response. Finally, on their feet, Dean turned his brother towards his room. “Get your stuff. I’ll meet you in the shower. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

As Dean walked away he heard his brother grumble, “I’ve already seen the surprise in the shower, Dean.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean would give Sam a shower to remember.

 

Sam walked in the shower room and immediately felt his muscles loosen in response to the moist heat. He placed his things, including the infamous shampoo, on a bench along the wall in the outer room. After stripping down, he grabbed the bottle and turned to step into the shower. 

“Look, Sammy! Flashdance!”

Sam’s mouth hung open and his eyebrows couldn’t decide which direction to go, up or down, as he stared at his brother. 

Dean was seated on a bath chair that he had found in the bathroom’s storage closet. This one was a bench. Two handles were cut into the ends and Dean was gripping them as he arched his back so the shower spray hit his chest. 

Sam continued to stare as he watched the water drops glide down Dean’s skin like oil, finding their way into the grooves and cuts defining the muscles in his thick, powerful arms. 

Then he felt his own dick thicken as he watched Dean slide one hand down his chest and across his belly before he gripped his cock. He stroked with slow, languid movements forcing Sam’s eyes to follow, like hypnosis.

“What the fuck are you doing?” But there was no malice in his words.

“It’s for you,” Dean said turning his head just enough so their eyes could meet. “The seat’s nice and cushiony.” He wiggled his ass to demonstrate. “Besides, how else do you expect me to reach all that way to the top of your head?”

Dean stood and patted the seat with his hand. “Come on in here. I promised you a shampoo.”

“Is this the surprise?” Sam asked, as he slowly walked into the shower and sat down on the bench. His answer was a smirk from his brother and a lecherous waggle of eyebrows. 

Dean had switched out the shower heads with adjustable ones that sprayed the water out in varying strengths from a heavy pulse to a gentle spray. 

The water was warm and felt like rain. Dean massaged Sam’s scalp and gently ran his short nails through his brother’s hair and Sam relaxed, leaning back against his brother. He reached around to pull Dean closer, encouraging Dean to rub himself along Sam’s back. Feeling the solid press of Dean’s cock into his skin Sam said, “I think I found my surprise.” 

Dean answered with a groan and a slight pull at his brother’s hair.

“Let’s get this rinsed out”, Dean said as he pulled himself away. He walked around Sam and straddled him on the bench, sitting on his thighs. 

He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair then cupped his face in his hands and they kissed. Sam slipped his arms around Dean and pulled him toward him as Dean slid higher up Sam’s thighs, rubbing their cocks together. 

Dean slowly dragged his hands down Sam’s body pausing to rub his palms in small circles on Sam’s sensitive nipples. Sam gripped his brother tighter as Dean wrapped his two hands around their hardening dicks. 

He stroked them up and down, up and down, squeezing just a little tighter on the upstroke, more so for Sam than himself. Then pressing his thumb into the slit enjoying the sounds of Sam’s quick puffs of breath and grunts as his brother started to come apart.

After just a few more minutes, Sam had to grab the bench handles to keep from falling over. 

Dean felt the quiver in Sam’s belly and his thighs even as he felt his own balls draw up. He strengthened his grip on Sam’s cock as he believed he could feel himself pull Sam’s orgasm right out of him

The warm release and the growl he heard as Sam let go, took Dean right over the edge.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dean remembered the first time he enjoyed sharing a bath  
And Dean remembered the first time he appreciated getting his hair washed.  
But now, Dean would remember when he gave Sam those memories.


End file.
